The second most noted reason for not dating besides the lack of a babysitter was the cost of dating. So here is a quick list of ideas for dating on a budget:

Have some cut of meat in the deep freeze? Find a recipe that has some ingredients you already have on hand and then challenge yourself to make a fab dessert for under $7. cooking together is prefered.  Look at this recipe for Velvet Painting Pie from A Daily Recipe Blog. Um. yum.

• Two reasonably Tall Drinks at Starbucks.

• Three Redbox Movies (One guy movie, One girl movie, and one you can agree on…) 2 bags of popcorn and some Crysal Light.

• Four episodes of The Office on a DVD from Netfilx (this can be free if you finally return that once DVD that has been hanging around your house for a month.)

• Buying a small bottle of massage lotion from Bath and Body and give each other a 5 minute massage.

• Have breakfast in bed. The night before get a half dozen of donuts and the newspaper. Set the coffee pot the night before and wake up to the smell of fresh-brewed Columbian Roast and the funny papers.

I would love to have your creative ideas for saving money but still dating. 

Q4U – What is your favorite date to do on a budget?

There has been some great advice and tips given so far this week.  Today’s question is, what do you leave for the babysitter?  Do you leave a list with the important information and detailed schedule of the kids routine?  Do you just toss out some pj’s?  Are snacks and dinner planned out?   Are you lucky enough to have people who know your family so well they have the whole routine down?

What do you leave for your babysitters?

How many of you are participants in a babysitting co-op?  If you are not (or have never heard of one) are you interested in starting one in your neighborhood.  Below is the advice of some moms who have found babysitting co-ops to be invaluable.

Amy:

I’ve done 2 different types of babysitting swaps/co-ops. Both might not be considered a co-op because it’s not a big group – but regardless, I love it and it works!

I have one friend that we swap kids/errands – she will watch the four kids while I go to Target, Safeway or Costco and get both of our lists done. We just decide who is the errand runner and who has the kids based on our load – that is, who needs some alone time

I also have multiple friends that we will babysit swap – one of us gets date night on Fri night, the other on Sat night. What I really love is the down time when I babysit! When you put your friend’s kids to bed and you are alone in someone else’s house, you don’t have any laundry or dishes, etc to do – so I bring over a book, my laptop or just relax and watch TV – all by myself – it’s great!

Julie:

We have a point system that we use to keep track of sits and keep it fair.  You get 20 points when you join the group.  One point per hour for the first child, 1/2 point per hour for any additional children.  For example, if someone watches my three kids for 2 hours, they earn 4 points.  We exchange popsicle sticks to keep track of our points.

The reason we use popsicle sticks is to make the payments more tangible. We used to take turns being a “secretary” and that person would keep track of everyone’s points (instead of exchanging sticks).  This became a problem because one family kept in the “negative” month after month even though she knew that she was in the red.  (Even though, according to the by-laws,  she wasn’t supposed to even ASK for sits because she was in the red, and she continued to and one of the other very nice moms could never say no.  The nice mom became very resentful).

We also keep a directory of which everyone has a copy.  This includes parents’ names, phone numbers for home and work and cell, pediatrician’s name and number, hospital preference (God forbid!), childrens’ birthdates & allergies.  Also answers the questions, “Is your home child-proofed?  any pets?  smokers?  guns?”

Beside the obvious benefit of free babysitting…the new friendships that we have made have been awesome!  These are the neighbors I know I can always count on, and we have so much fun with them.

Tami:

We used a plus/minus system.   Additions/Subtractions were calculated per child (1 hr for 1 child, 2 hr for 2 children, etc.)  Each member rotated being the bookkeeper (commitment of one month) and at that time was kept in a binder.  Now could be online. The person doing the sitting called in hours and received the credit while hours were deducted from the other.  No one could have a debit of more than 10 at any time.  We had two dozen members.

The best benefit was meeting other women with children with the same ages as mine.  Also, I was a stay at home mom and that allowed me to do things without kids during the day.  I rarely used this at night, but did in a pinch.

I would do it again in a heartbeat!  I made lasting friends who I still keep in touch with in IL (I am now in TX and my kids are 27 and 30)

It is great how many of y’all have promised to date your spouse in the next two weeks!   Today’s step in the dating process is figuring out ways to find an affordable and reliable babysitter.   In the comments, share your experiences and your advice to help other moms!

OK – I know I am going to get some comments on this post.

Let me be clear – while I am using the word “date” really what I am talking about is making time to connect with your spouse. I just happen to think dating is one of the best ways to do that.

With that being said, I am worried about the lack of dating among my friends (both flesh friends and webby buddies.)

In the survey results, the number one reason for people not dating was babysitting issues – not being able to afford said babysitter, or trust the ones you can afford. (Two of the people who commented were 1. My brother and 2. My neighbor Karyn. I love both of their kids so I guess it is time for Auntie Kathi to step up!)

But the second most popular reason was a lack of time in order to go out together. And that’s just a crying shame.

I have had several friends who have recently gone through empty nest syndrome. (No danger of that around here. Justen just told us he wanted to go for a master’s degree after college at San Jose State. Roger and I will never be alone…) But these moms have gone through the same pattern – gearing up to get the kids out of the house, then turning around and realizing the only one left is their hubby. Since she has spent so much of her life pouring into her kiddos, there hasn’t been a lot of time left over for bonding with her husband. Now – he is the only one left and she realizes that they haven’t talked about anything except the kids since 1995.

I know – at this point, you feel like the kids will never leave. But that is even more reason to date while the kiddos are at home.

It is so important that you not only be mom and dad, but that you be husband and wife first. Your kids will experience a deeper sense of security if they know that their parents are a cohesive team.

So if it is a choice between dating your spouse and one more activity for your kids, I vote for dating.

It is a great way to teach your kids:

1. Mom and dad are real people and really like hanging together – even without kids.

2. They are not the center of the earth.

Thanks to everyone who took the time here on the blog and on Facebook to answer why it is so hard to date your spouse. Here is the list of reasons from most popular to least:

1. Babysitting
2. Time
3. Money
4. Is it really worth the effort?
5. Kids Activities
6. Exhausted
7. Lack of Planning

Y’all feeling like you are in pretty good company?

Over the next two weeks, we are going to be brainstorming here on the blog about how to get that time, energy, and reliable babysitter in order to date your mate.

And here is my challenge: Would you date your mate once in the next two weeks?

If it has to be an at home date, that still counts. But I just want you to set aside some time to make it happen. I promise, we are going to give you tons of ideas and motivation, but it is up to you to make it happen.

So – can you- by Sunday March 7th – date your mate? If so, put your pledge in the comments and we will give you everything you need to make it happen.

I want to know  why you don’t date your spouse.

Is it time, is it money?Is it that there hasn’t been a movie that the two of you have agreed on since Top Gun? Is it because it would take you away from your crops in Farmville?

We are going to be talking about this here on the blog for the next couple of weeks and I would love to hear what keeps you from romancing your sweetie.

First off – if you are visiting from Rachelle Gardner’s blog – welcome! So happy you stopped by to hang out…

As you regular readers know, I have had a very busy couple of weeks. But now, I want to tell you what is coming up.

I will be doing the down and dirty work of getting my third book – The Me Project – to the finish line. It is due April 1^st (wow, I get little pangs of panic as I write that…) so much of the next few weeks will be focused on getting reader feedback (if you are interested in participating, you can join my book group here on Facebook to contribute to the upcoming book,) editing, and then dropping my baby into my editor’s waiting lap.

A lot of aspiring writers, (and sometimes just plain old nosey friends,) have asked me to share about my writing process.

Oh. If only I were organized enough to have something so formal as a writing process.

But, for those of you who insist there MUST be some method to my madness, or just want to know what will be going on in my home and my head over the next six weeks, here is a snapshot of what it will look like:

1. Figure Out What the Book is About OK, so this is easier than it may seem. I write about what the good people at Harvest House Publishers pay me to write about. Months in advance, I have submitted proposals of books I would like to write – and then Harvest House’s Publisher’s Committee will discuss which ones will actually sell. I am blessed to have their wise council and feedback, because I don’t want to spend a year writing a book that no one will read.
   
2. Figure Out the Chapters So far, each of my books have been based on 21 Day Projects, so it is up to me to come up with the Projects (I usually come up with 40 and eliminate a bunch until we get down to the best 21) plus all the front-of-the-book and back-of-the-book stuff. This part of the process looks much like the Unibomber took up residence in our bedroom for a couple of months. In our room, Roger and I have these giant floor to ceiling sliding white closet doors that are just a blank canvas waiting to be filled up with giant Post-it notes. I plot out my chapters, having one giant Post-it for each chapter, and then put antidotes, scripture verses, quotes and other ideas on smaller stickies to move around. And yes, Roger is a very tolerant man.
   
3. Write the Chapters This is the BIC (Butt In Chair) part of writing that I have such a hard time with. Fortunately, when I’m not traveling for speaking, I get to write with a bunch of other creative people (including Cathy Armstrong, Katie Vorrieter, Shelley Bates, Camy Tang, Kristin Billerbeck, Dineen Miller, Chris Jassen and my son, Justen Hunter,) at Orchard Valley Coffee in Campbell CA twice a week. I try to get 1000 words in each time I am at the coffee shop.
   
4. Get Some Feedback My books are very reader focused. I love having the input of my favorite readers, getting their experiences and ideas. It makes for a much richer book.
   
5. Have Someone Smarter Than Me Edit the Book This has been at different times been my friend and speaker Teresa Drake, and at other points my son Justen ( don’t worry, he doesn’t have to edit the parts of the books about marital intimacy – he still has to be able to look me in the eye at the end of the day.)
   
6. Send it to Harvest House
   

This is a very basic set of steps. At some point I will explore more of how I integrate my speaking and marketing into the books, but for now – this is the process I follow for each book. I know – probably more than you needed to know. However, I love to see the inner working of other people’s lives, and thought you might be interested in my particular brand of crazy!

Um hello… If this picture didn’t get your attention, I don’t know what will.

So many of you have been kind enough to ask where I have been – here is part two of the scoop:

Before speaking in Georgetown TX, my friend Cindy let me crash at her kennel – I mean BEAUTIFUL home with her six new puppies (oh – and her husband Ed and daughter Becca…) I was THIS close to stuffing one of them in my overnight bag to take back to San Jose…

Then I was off to MOPS of Georgetown in TX to do The Husband Project. Love those girls!

Finally, the last leg of my journey was to go to Scottsdale AZ to speak at La Casa de Christo in Scottsdale AZ. My friends Kevin and Ruth Shave picked me up at my hotel and took me to the White Chocolate Grill (I am planning on opening a franchise in my kitchen.)

I spoke for the first of three events on Tuesday morning, and then spent the day resting, working in my hotel room, and going to Chick-Fil-A.  That evening I went back to the church to speak. And that is where it happened.

As I was getting ready to go on stage, a woman in a green jacket made a beeline for me.

It was my friend Shannon.

But it couldn’t be my friend Shannon, because while we were both from California, she now lived in Colorado, and I was in Arizona. My brain could not figure any of this out.

Shannon had flown all the way from CO to surprise me. I almost passed out I was so surprised.

All in all it was a great – if exhausting- week. I was so blessed by all the new friends I made and all the old friends I connected with.

But dude – it’s good to be home.

I have been a busy, busy girl and I have the Southwest Rewards to prove it.

First, I was in Oregon for a few days visiting my friend Judy and then going to my publisher’s offices to have sit down meetings with them about what I want to do with my life (it was a lot like sitting down with my guidance counselor in high school, but a lot more fun and with better food.)

I actually have some news from that trip that I will be announcing very soon – but I have to wait for agents and other official people to sign stuff.

Then I went to Austin and taught a Marketing Bootcamp with awesome author Karen Porter (oh we have so much fun at those things!) Then it was off to Oklahoma City to do a huge women’s retreat.

But then, the entire state of Oklahoma shut down. Wind and ice and snow. It was more than this girl from N. CA could handle (actually, it was more than Southwest could handle…) so instead of OK I went to Oakland where Rog picked me up and I got to spend the weekend with him and Jake the puggle. (And I mean, come on – who wouldn’t want to do some snuggling with this boy.)

Then it was back to Texas to hang out with the wild and wonderful women of The Woodlands UMC. An amazing retreat on Mary and Martha called Woman Interrupted. We had a great time loving on each other, loving on God and talking about out own expectations for ourselves, others and God. Such sweet stuff.

Tomorrow- more on my trip – plus the cutest puppy pictures you have ever seen.