Less Than Perfect
Lessening Your Load
Today: Find another area of your life that you can cut back, do less well, or give up on altogether – either permanently or just for the duration of The Me Project – in order to give you the time and space to pursue your goal.
Look at what my friend Ann had to say about her battle with perfectionism:
“If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all.” My grandfather said that when I was less than 10 years old. I was sweeping the driveway to help clean the garage.
Oosh! Little did I know that the seed of perfectionism planted so early in my life would stay with me so long. I tend to want to do everything really well, an all or nothing person. I still struggle with the notion that my house doesn’t have to be perfect for company. Typically I am overwhelmed with housecleaning because it’s just too much to keep it perfect so I tend to let it go to the backburner. Someone said to me, “If you found out Mother Theresa had a messy house would that change how you view her good deeds or her as a person?” When I almost answered yes I realized I had some work to do on myself.
Lately I have learned to let go of the perfectionism. Listen to what my husband and kids really need instead of what I want. My daughter wants play dates. Okay let’s get the house picked up, but don’t stress about the overhead dusting, they are only six years old!
My struggle with perfectionism really came into focus one Sunday morning. One line from that morning’s sermon really jumped out at me: “If I could give you one thing it would be that you could see yourself as God sees you. Our loving, forgiving Father would not, I suppose, say some of the things we say to ourselves, stupid, ugly, lazy, etc. Only when we have the love of God and experience the love He has for us by forgiving and loving ourselves, not in a narcissistic way, can we truly love our brothers and sisters as Jesus taught us.”
I’m not sure why at that moment his words sank in and had profound meaning for me. (Perhaps it was because the kids were sick and weren’t with me so I could actually hear what was being said!) To love myself unconditionally the way I love my own children seemed so foreign yet so simple.
Am I still a perfectionist? Yes, I still have those urges to lift the burner pans and clean under the stove each night even though no one can see under there. The difference is now I can say, it’s okay to play tag in the house with my kids and forgive myself for leaving a pan on the stove a little while longer. I can focus on the things that are truly important, instead of responding to the unreasonable – and ungodly – self talk from before.
Do you struggle with perfectionism? I do in some areas – and I know it is all fear based and a control issue. Ugh. But if I can do ONE LESS THING that doesn’t need to be done – not only am I freeing my time – I’m freeing myself.
Tell us in the comments below one thing that you put on your Not-To-Do-List and why and you could win the book Out of the Spin Cycle: Devotions to lighten your Mother Load
An area in which I am cutting back my efforts for the next 2 weeks is cooking home-cooked, gourmet dinners. While I enjoy cooking for my family a great deal and feel that good nutrition and home-cooking is important to our overall health, we are moving next week, I am job hunting for full-time work, and I’m returning to my part time job the week after next. I can concentrate on quick, nutritious meals instead of gourmet anything…
Mine is along the same lines as Cheri. I try to be super-mom, super-wife, and super-staff. I’m tired some days before I’ve even gotten started. It was hard for me to enter it in here. It means I have to set some of their demands aside for my own well- being.
I’ve already taken huge steps in this direction over the past couple of years–really cutting back on the overtime hours at work being one example. I’ve also had to make computer games strictly off limits–they all too easily become addicting, and the few minutes spent here and there really add up.
I think that two more things I can cut out now are being willing to entertain even when the house is not up to my perfect expectations, and making better use of leftovers. The second one will take a little organization. Most of the time I put leftovers in the fridge and completely forget that they are there. But maybe a note pad on the fridge door to list what I put inside and when could cut down on the hours (and money) I spend shopping and cooking.
I’m going to keep the tv to a minimum because, even though I don’t really watch it, it can/does distract me and makes things take longer than they should.
If I put exercise on my not to do list, does that count? ok… There are a lot of things I’ve had to deem as “good enough” That, and the realization that my home (and most people) is not a magazine home. People live here and means a certain amount of stuff here or there. FlyLady’s quote of “housework done imperfectly still blesses your family” or something like that. For me right now though, with this project, my not to do has to be procrastination. I get so overwhelmed with the tasks, that I shut down and then don’t get anything done. I know what you’re saying, super smart. 😉
One thing I am going to put on my Not-To-Do list is answering the phone. I have family who will call me at any time whenever they have anything they want to talk about, and expect me to drop everything for them. One will call about the other, then the other will call, and I will play peacemaker between the two. I am going to stop answering every time the phone rings and only talk when *I* want to and am able to, and will no longer be the go-between.
On my not-to-do list: let go of those things I can’t control and don’t take responsibility for those things that I don’t own. In the past, I often felt like I needed to “fix” everything for people and would often feel overwhelmed. So I’m learning to take responsibility for what is truly mine to own and letting go of what isn’t.
Whats on my not to do list—I entered into a 40 day fast on January 1st. The first 40 days of the year is the first 10th or tithe of my time to God. I am still eating (I do not think I could handle even a 2 day fast with no food). So what I am doing is–no sugar, no bread (huge sacrifice for me!), being conscience of mindless eating (chips snacks etc…), limiting process foods (which we have been doing for the last year already. Spend more time with God–reading and listening. And the huge one–no TV unless it is of a spiritual nature. I have done a 40 day fast before–it is not easy but the growth I received from it was worth it.
I am going to schedule my school and Internet time so that I have time to actually play with my children and give to them
Something I really need to put on my NOT-to-do-list is in the area of computer time. I have a hard time limiting it, and I think I’m doing good…but then my husband will say…don’t you think you should limit your time…ugh…why does he have to be right in that?!?! So I’m going to make some ‘hours’ for computer time so I can have more time to really enjoy being a SAHM to 5 kiddos.
Aloha ladies, I have given up on being perfect and strive for doing my best. Usually I pick up more than I clean up. Which has freed me. I usually have someone clean my house every 2 weeks which ensures that it is really clean. It’s the one thing I do for myself. If you can afford to do it pay for once a month or a quarter. You will feel much better. Then I don’t worry about anything but pick up because I know it will get cleaned. Happy new year everyone. SKN
I grew up in a perfectionistic household, too. Now I am finally realizing that this doesn’t work because perfectionism stresses me out and those around me. Plus, it takes up too much time that could be devoted to doing things that make me happy. This sounds crazy, but I’ve decided I don’t have to match my work clothes perfectly or try to arrange outfits that make me look ultra put together. It’s time to just be me. I also don’t need to come home from work and have every dish washed or put away or every spot on the floor cleaned. It’s time to let the chips fall where they may and just stop so I can relax in the evenings with my daughter. My most important focus this year is staying connected to God and maintaining my serenity.
What is on my Not-To-Do-List? Not to turn on the TV the second we get home. I know in our crazy lives that TV is a good way to unwind. But with my goal of spending more time with God and learning how to control my money, TV is the LAST thing I need. I have a DVR so I can watch the shows I want to when I can. Plus, it gives me time to spend with my daughter before her early bed time.
Im not going to worry about getting the dinning room in perfect condition, i need all my extra energy to go towards the kitchen!
Ann’s comments sound so much like me! I’m completely overwhelmed with a full-time job, a part-time job and 4 children and I feel like my house is a disaster! I can’t bring myself to clean house because I’m such a perfectionist that cleaning one room is an all-day task and I don’t have free days to clean every room! I’m going to let go of the perfectionism and focus on one achievable task at a time and enjoy my family.
I’m not going to burn myself out so that others won’t be inconvenienced or disappointed.
Just yesterday, I got a text message from my family asking me to get something from the grocery store. I’d already left Safeway, and that item had not been on the original refrigerator list. Later, I got another text message asking if I could bring home Togos for supper. Again, I had already left that area of town.
In the past, I would have turned around and gone back to the grocery store and Togos, telling myself what a “loving” wife and mother I am.
This time, I realized that all the “little” things I do so that my family greets me at the door with smiles instead of disappointment are totally wearing me out. I used to tell myself, “It’s only an extra 5 or 10 minutes…it’s not that bad.” Turns out, those extra 5 or 10 minutes are HUGE energy drains for me.
I’ll be heading to town again on Thursday. If the grocery item or Togos are THAT important, then everyone can (a) write them on the list and (b) start anticipating how thrilled they’ll be in two days!
I need to make one master to do list. Then pick one or two doable thins to do each day. Then when my son says do you want to plsy with me I can say yes without feeling like I have to do everything on my list. I also too need to have a time limit for email, and FB. Then maybe I will also have time and excitement back to do my crocheting too!!
I am going to limit the amount of processed good I eat; one example, cut the amount of sugar I put in my coffee in half and get to no added sugar.
My husband is an Electrical Contractor. I handle the business and office end of it from my home office. I’ll get on the computer to do one thing and end up “wondering” the internet in the process. I am going to only allow myself one time a day on the computer to get my to do list done, and no computer, phone, facebook, text, or emails after my husband gets home for the rest of the night. That time will be for my family only!
As a salon owner I do have 2 days off. Sunday and Tuesday. On Sunday I do not do anything at all that has to do with the business. On Tuesday I leave my house at 9am and do not get back until afer 5pm because I am running around doing business stuff all day. I am exhausted on my “day off”. So I am going to step down from behind the chair on Friday’s but still be in the shop. For the 6 hours we are open I am going to do the business side of the salon on that day instead of doing it on my day off.
Perfectionism is something I have struggled with all my life. I get overwhelmed by all on my list and then feel like if I can’t do it all just right, I just won’t do it at all. I need to get out of this mind set and get things accomplished!
I spend a lot of time on the computer-getting back to people( usually) super fast because I don’t want them to wait. I am going to work really hard at designating two times in the day when I will check my email and take Facebook off my phone. Hopefully by getting of tech-y stuff, I’ll be freeing up some extra time to allow me to FOCUS on the things on my task list.