Why can’t my husband be more like me? I don’t need reminders. I see how dirty the floor is, and I put things back where they belong to make life easier for the next person.
If only my husband were more like … me!
Life sure would be easier if my husband saw these things like I see them, take action, and think ahead. Our marriage would be a whole lot better if he were more like … me.
I’ve had these thoughts more often than I’d like to admit. I am really good at seeing how the world looks through my eyes. But even if I had perfect vision, which I don’t, my narrow vision often blinds me from seeing the good in how my husband navigates life.
Why different vision is better
When I forget my husband sees the world through different eyes, I easily start feeling overwhelmed with a desire to make him more like me. When I get wrapped up in feeling certain that my way is the best way, I end up thinking that my husband’s ways are flat-out wrong.
And when I start thinking my husband’s ways are wrong, I’ve lost sight of his strengths.
A Dance For Two
The reality is (and the research shows) women are great at tackling many things at once. While men are skilled at focusing their attention on one thing at a time.
While it’s easy to raise our hands and do a victory dance at how us gals can talk on the phone, write out the grocery list, put dinner together, and change a diaper all at the same time. Our husbands get to do a victory dance of their own. As proud as we are of how God made us, we would be wise to also celebrate how God made our husbands.
We find joy when we intentionally find the good in something that frustrates us.
One Small Win: Today, think of one thing you typically wish your husband would do differently. Tell him (or text, call, or write him a note) that you are thankful he does this thing differently than you. (And, for extra credit, tell him why).
For example: I wish my husband would put his dirty clothes in the basket and do the laundry. “Honey, I am thankful that you don’t feel the need to be as tidy as I am. Sometimes, I don’t like that I am so hard-wired to be such a neat freak. I don’t appreciate enough that I could learn a thing or two from how laid back you are in this area. I may just forget about the laundry tonight and join you in watching a show.”
Embrace The Differences
Husbands tend to be better at loving us as we are. They typically don’t spend their lives trying to make us more like…them.
Imagine a marriage where your husband feels comfortable not having to do everything according to your version of “right”.
Imagine intentionally trading in your thoughts of disappointment and resentment toward your husband for thoughts of celebration and love.
What one thing will you celebrate about your husband today?
Amanda Davison is on a mission to share how her education in counseling and God’s word changed her marriage. She is sure to share personal, laugh-out-loud moments, which are woven with challenging yet inviting perspective change. As a speaker and wife coach, she tackles topics such as, becoming a confident wife, handling the real frustrations as wives, knowing and owning our high call as wives, and obedience. She wants to hear from you and hopes you will join with her on the journey of learning to love God’s people well.
Learn more about Amanda at www.amandadavison.com.
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