There are times when my husband can still shock me.

I was reading the memoir/manifesto of Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. In one of the chapters about why women try less often for management jobs than their male counterparts, she revealed this fascinating statistic about my husband’s own company:

Internal research by Hewlett-Packard found that women only apply for jobs for which they feel they are a 100% match; men do so even when they meet no more than 60% of the requirements.

I couldn’t believe it and shared that stat with Roger adding on, “Why would anyone apply for a job that they were only 60% qualified for?”

And Roger said, “Oh I’ve done that. I’m guessing some of the jobs I’ve applied for I was probably 40% qualified for.”

I couldn’t believe it. My husband is one of the smartest, most capable men I know.  So what was he doing going around applying for jobs that he was completely unqualified for?

He continued. “Yeah, I figure, if it’s something I’m interested in, I can figure it out as I go along. I can do the research – and where better to learn than on the job.” And the crazy thing is? Nine times out of ten? He’s gotten the job.

And it made me think – how many times have I not gone for something I really wanted, simply because I was worried about someone calling me out – telling me I’m a fraud – unqualified  - a poser. Why haven’t I gone with my husband’s plan – realizing I have gifts and can learn what I need to learn as I go. Whether it’s a new job, being a mom, volunteering or anything I really want to do but is outside my zone.

What would you do if you didn’t worry about other people’s reactions? What would you want to try, learn, do if you weren’t afraid?

I know this may feel like a reach, but stick with me.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, overtired, and stuck, I tend to let the “stuff” (or whatever word you use when you are feeling overwhelmed, overtired and stuck – don’t worry – I won’t be offended…) build up in my life. I don’t deal with problems in my relationships, I don’t deal with the piles in my house, and I don’t do the self-care that is needed (reading my Bible, praying, hanging our with people who fill me up,) to stay healthy. Instead, I put things off until I feel like dealing with it.

It’s the same with my bag.

When I feel crazy busy, I tend to let the junk build up in my purse. Instead of dealing with the receipts, returns, broken pens that are leaking, melted lipsticks that are staining, I just pile more stuff on top of it all, waiting for the magical time I’ll have to deal with it all.

Heavy bags lead to sore shoulders, lost time looking for things, and a sense of feeling out of control.

Heavy lives lead to brokenness, sickness, and feeling out of control.

When I’m feeling that way, I need to take small steps to get back to healthy. I know that cleaning out your bag may seem really, really small, but it can help.  You can go change the world when you can find your car keys on a regular basis.

So join me, this Wednesday, and clean out your purse. For a little extra incentive there is swag (good swag):

 

The Grand Prize winner will receive this Belvah Quilted Beach Tote with a copy of all 8 of my books (for all that beach reading!)

Five runners up will receive a copy of The Get Yourself Organized Project (for you or a friend.)

 

I’ve done a ton of therapy.

I’ve gone to support groups.

I’ve read the books. Done the programs. Bought the CDs.

And I’ve prayed. Oh how I’ve prayed.

But here’s the thing: I’m still fat.

Can I tell you how humbling it is to have your weakness – your sin – on the outside for all the world to see? Even before I open my mouth, share my heart, or find out one little fact about you,  I have to overcome the fact that you know I’m not in control. That I’m a failure in this really huge part of my life.

If I could change anything about me, this would be it. I feel like it has “clicked” for so many others, but has never clicked for me.

Some of you may be thinking, “Well if she weren’t so lazy, she wouldn’t be fat.” or “If she could just show some self control, she wouldn’t be that way.” I used to think that as well. But here is the thing that all that godly therapy and the love of an amazing husband has shown me: I’m not lazy. (I work really, really hard in a lot of areas of my life.) I do have self-control (in many areas of my life). But this one area? I haven’t got figured out.

I’m not writing this so that you will be sympathetic. The good news is that the people who love me are going to continue loving me whether I can shop in the regular store or have to shop in the plus-sized department. The reason I’m sharing this is because there is so much shame around this for me, and if there is for me, I’m sure that my other friends who struggle with their weight (or other areas of their life,) feel that shame as well. And I’m telling you that I think it’s OK to believe with my whole heart that as I keep trying to become healthier and stronger, God loves me in my brokeness and weakness. That shame that we feel that we have to “lead with” in life so we can say to the world: “Don’t tell me I’m not OK – I already know it – I’m totally shamed so you don’t have to shame me – I’ve already done it for myself” is not what God wants for us. God wants us to live free. Not just skinny and free. Free.

I’m also not writing this as an excuse for being this way. I’m trying to figure this out because I love God and my family and want to be around for a long time.  I know this will make some people angry, that I’m not going to shame myself here, but I’m OK with that. My weight is between me and God. For some reason, fat people make a lot of other people angry. That’s about them – not the overweight person they are shaming.

I’m going to choose to believe Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

I don’t know why I overeat. Oh I know the standard answer: I have a hole in my heart that only God can fill, but I’m filling it with food. But here’s the thing: That is shaming, and I don’t think shaming people gets them to change. (At least it’s never worked in my life.) In the past ten years I have been fifty pounds heavier than I am now, and I’ve also been fifty pounds lighter. My weight didn’t correspond to my prayer life or my bible reading. I don’t have the answer, but I’m not going to give up trying to figure it out.

This is the thorn in my flesh. This is the most humbling thing in my life. This situation right here? This is the thing that I pray about and struggle about and talk to God about. In some ways, this has been the thing in my life that has made me run to God and fall on my face like nothing else ever has.

So here’s what I’m going to do: keep talking to God and trying to figure why I am the way that I am. I’m going to keep trying to believe that God loves me the same way that my husband does: He loves me just as I am. AND He wants His best for me. There is no “but” between those two statements. It is possible to be overweight and totally adoringly loved by God.

Am I alone in this? If you struggle with your weight, do you know that God loves you exactly as you are this very moment? Do you know He is not waiting for you to be “normal” before He will love you?  I want you to know you are adored. You are cherished. You are a delight to Him who loves you more than you will ever understand or know.

I have to work on this every single day of my life – this knowledge that God loves me just like this. I pray that it becomes a reality for you and for me.

 

I’ve packed and repacked my same black suitcase about five times. Usually, packing is a snap for me (I go on about fifty trips a year, so if I don’t want  to dedicate a large portion of my free time to packing. a girl learns to keep it simple.)

I would like to take an outfit for each day, and a backup after I see what everyone else is wearing, just to make sure I fit in.

I have (so far) resisted an “emergency” trip to Macy’s hoping to find the right outfit to make sure I fit in.

But as you may suspect, this goes a little deeper than wardrobe issues.

Tomorrow I board a plane to go to “The Hip Conference”. Really cool, deep, spiritual girls are getting together to teach each other – and learn from each other – how to talk about Jesus better.  And normally, I would be really excited. Except I’m “The New Girl”.

I’ve never been to this conference, and I’ve let my brain run amok.

In my mind:

• These women all know each other and are best friends waiting for their once a year reunion
• It will be like a scene from “Mean Girls” and no one will sit with me at lunch
• They will mock me behind my back for my pathetic attempts to fit in

Obviously, I’ve watched too many commercials for Gossip Girl.

And this doesn’t just happen for conferences. No – I feel it all the time.

• At a new Bible Study
• Visiting a new church
• Going to a new hair dresser
• When my kids went to a new school
• Hanging out with my husband’s co-workers

People assume since I’m an extrovert that I LOVE diving into situations like this. No. Not at all. All the weirdness and fear pop up and I feel like the kid sister my older sister was forced to take to the movies with all of her cool friends.

I don’t write this to have you encourage me (I know, I know, they will love me once they get to know me. but thanks!) but to say if a super-extrovert like me feels this, I’m guessing that about 90% of you have some of the same feelings. So I wanted to share my plan of attack. I mean my godly plan for managing my anxiety.

Step 1 - Pray for the Event: When I take my eyes off myself and think about what the event is trying to accomplish – and then praying to that end – it gives me the perspective I need. I’m just one person, hoping to be useful, and to follow what God is telling me to do. I’m now praying for the event organizers (cause you know they might just be losing their minds right about now…) praying for the safety of those who are traveling, and praying I can get what God wants me to get out of the experience.

Step 2 - Realize I’m Not the Only New Girl: There are going to be loads of people there who are newbies. We will be the ones who look like racoons staring at an oncoming Mack Truck. I will find these people and make them my friends.

Step 3 – “My Name Is… Here to Serve” No, I’m not officially on the committee, but every single one of these conferences, God has put someone in my path that needed to be loved, encouraged, or just needed some well-timed milk chocolate. If I focus on the needs of others, God always gets around to what I need out of the conference. I’ve never left feeling “I wish I hadn’t helped that person so much. I missed ______” Nope, God’s told me to “feed His sheep”. That’s my job. He takes care of the schedule nitty-gritty.

Step 4 – Bring Things to Give Away No, not advertising for my new book. Things people want. Like that well-timed chocolate.

So tell me your coping mechanism for being the new girl. Spiritual. Practical. I want to hear it – and I want you to share it with all the other new girls.

(BTW – the word on the street is all these ladies are lovely and I’m going to have a great time. I’ll report back…)

Tomorrow is Taking Care of You Tuesday

I have a wonderful friend who is great at taking care of everyone else. She is the hardest worker I’ve ever met. She has a full time job, a busy family and a growing ministry.  She is a very busy girl.

She and I have been working hard to not only take care of those around us, but ourselves as well. She made a huge breakthrough when she sent me an email letting me know she had scheduled her “annual” appointment with her doctor – for the first time in five years.

Our stuff is so often on the bottom of our list.

So by Tuesday, I want you to put something at the top of your list. Here are some ideas of things you could do to take care of you:

• Make your annual appointment
• Make a hair appointment
• Exercise
• Call a friend (not out of obligation, but because it does your heart good)
• Get a prescription refilled
• Take a 20 minute nap
• Put a flower on your desk
• Prepack some healthy snacks
• Download some music you love to your iPod
• Schedule a dentist appointment
• Schedule an appointment with your trainer
• Go take a walk

Tell me what you are going to do but Tuesday at midnight, and I will enter you to win The Get Yourself Organized Project.

Your real reward will be taking care of yourself. Go on. It’s only 15 minutes (or so…)

I have a mug that makes me happy.

I know that “things” are not supposed to make me happy. But I kinda love a certain mug – and may be a little too attached it.

This is the mug that my publisher, Harvest House, sent me (and, I’m sure, about 400 other authors,) for Christmas 2009:

So great – right. Great green color. The great big “Think…” on the front. And on the back, has:

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Best mug IN THE WORLD. Right? And I may be a tad possessive…

When our daughter’s boyfriend, Shawn, unknowingly used the mug one night, I couldn’t take my eye off if it. I was distracted from our card game all night.

And then, it happened.

Someone, (not naming names,) broke my mug. I was not a happy camper. And for three days I moped around, whining to anyone who would listen.

One of those who would listen, (or was forced into listening, is Shane White, the National CBA Sales Manager at Harvest House. Poor guy. He was calling to talk about something vital like sales numbers (or my latest posting on Facebook…) and instead he got an earful on the demise of my mug.

Well, what do you know – five days later I got not one, but TWO of those exact mugs in the mail. (One is still in it’s bubble wrap, to be opened only in case of emergency.)

I know the mug is silly, but it is everything I love in a mug: the perfect size and weight not to be tipped over by a wayward cat. I love it. And I love that I have a friend who indulges my non-nonsensical attachment to a mug.

Do you have a “Think Mug”? Something that you have an attachment to that only you can understand. Tell me about it. No judgement. This is a safe space.

(Kathi here. This is one of my favorite speakers, Cheri Gregory and I could not be more excited about this project. Join, participate, and, if you’re like me, stop being sarcastic for a while. Really. No, I’m not joking…)

As I thumbed through a copy of A Complaint-Free World five years ago, I considered myself the most optimistic, positive, encouraging (and obviously humble) person I knew.

 

In fact, I joked to my husband that we needed to buy two (maybe three) dozen copies to give the long list of negative people in my life who drag me down with their never-ending complaints, criticism, and gossip.

 

Than I read a little farther. And the author had the nerve to suggest that of all the negative people in my life, I might be the worst of the worst!

 

That. Made. Me. Mad.

 

So I decided to take the author’s Complaint-Free challenge: 21 days with no complaining. Just to prove how wrong he was, I even ordered his silly little purple bracelet.

 

The instructions were simple:  I was to start each day with the bracelet on my left wrist. As soon as I caught myself complaining, criticizing, or gossiping, I was to move the bracelet to the other wrist.

 

For accountability, I told my students what I was doing.

 

Big mistake.

 

Did my students ever warm up to the “challenge.” In the first class, my bracelet switched arms five times in just three minutes!

 

The shocker was that each time took me totally by surprise. I wasn’t even thinking critical thoughts, when suddenly, “Mrs. G? Is that complaining I hear?”

 

I soon discovered that my optimistic self-image resembled reality the way a chick flick resembles marriage: hardly at all.

 

 

Sound Familiar?

 

Maybe you’ve experienced some of the same warning signs I have. See if you identify with any of the following statements:

 

___ “My life would be much easier without the negative people who drag me down.

 

___ “I speak Sarcasm fluently.”

 

___ “When I see a type-o on a sign, I have to point it out to someone.”

 

___ “I’m surrounded by difficult people at work and/or at home.”

 

___ “It’s not really gossip; everything we say about her is true.”

 

___ “There’s an impossible person in my life who will never change.”

 

___ “I struggle with anxiety, fear, and/or depression.”

 

___ “Negative things people have said keep popping back into my mind.”

 

If two or more sound familiar, you’re invited to take The PURSE-onality Challenge!

 

 

What is The PURSE-onality Challenge?

 

Quite literally, it’s 31 days of replacing “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude, May 1-31 (with a warm-up week starting April 22.)

 

I’ve tried the Complaint-Free challenge many times in the last five years. But just trying to stop old bad habits was never enough; I needed to start new ones to replace the old.

 

So for one month, we’ll be focusing on four positive habits: spotlighting Personality strengths, eliminating complaints, journaling gratitude, and memorizing scripture.

 

 

Take The PURSE-onality Challenge if…

 

…you feel convicted to change your thoughts and words.

 

…you’re at your wit’s end with a particular relationship.

 

…you desire more hope, joy, and peace in your life.

 

Check out our website to sign up!

 

You’ll also find three free audio messages:

Let’s Get PURSE-onal!

Personality Puzzle for Parents of Preschoolers

and

Healthy Marriages Major in History (NOT Math!) 

 

plus a free e-Book: Top 10 Priceless Gifts that Don’t Cost a Dime for Each PURSE-onality!

 

 

 

Enter to win a free copy of The PURSE-onality Challenge journal and a set of 31 laminated Bible verse cards! Leave a comment telling what changes you’d most want to see in your life from taking The PURSE-onality Challenge!

 

 

 

 

Cheri Gregory has been married to her pastor/teacher/musician college sweetheart, Daniel, for 23 years. The Gregorys are enjoying their newly “empty nest,” now that Jonathon (19) has joined Annemarie (21) at college. Cheri is a high school English teacher and Christian speaker/author. Connect with her via Facebook, cheri@cherigregory.com, and www.CheriGregory.com.