Clutter-Free Parenting: Managing Expectations and Compassion

Clutter-Free Parenting: Managing Expectations and Compassion

clutter-free parenting

I can just hear you now: “Clutter-free” and “parenting” in the same sentence? For real?

Well, not so fast. Clutter-free parenting is not a one-and-done proposition. When my children were little, I took delight in the nice, neat shelves in my basement, holding up totes clearly marked with clothing sizes. I was also Y2K ready (dating myself here), and had organized shelving stocked fully with massive quantities of food for pending disaster, enough to feed a small country. Yes, some of you are judging me right now while others are in awe.

Okay, so I have my skeletons in the closet of overdoing things when it comes to organization. I readily admit that maybe, just maybe, my focus on being clutter-free and organized bordered on being a little neurotic. Notice the past tense in that last sentence.

Clutter-free parenting as your kids grow older

Making five little people do their chores was stressful, but it does not compare with four college kids who all have jobs and school and a creative twelve-year-old who reenacts Curious George episodes again and again. Somehow the college “adult” status has a built-in entitlement that they just simply cannot do chores nor participate in the clutter-free schooling environment of days gone by.

A little background might help here. I home-educated all of my children all the way through. Yep. I am one of those. I delighted in purchasing books – LOTS of them – and organizing it all. Until … Until our lives were interrupted by a tragedy that transformed our very existence.

Suddenly the pet peeves about clutter really did not matter anymore. Just making my kids happy, just surviving, just trying to maintain some level of cleanliness, that’s where my focus shifted.

Balancing compassion and expectations

The problem with that state of living is that if we aren’t careful, it becomes our new norm. Kids are smart and realize this. The compassionate heart of mommas can, um, enable their disobedient behavior with excuses. I confess I have done this many times. I rationalized in my brain that it was cruel to stress them out with the burden of having to actually chip in around the house. They had a past pain that somehow overruled maintaining a clutter-free zone.

Now I have four kids, all with jobs and in college. “I’m an adult now,” several of my children have informed me. I mused over what those words meant as college textbooks were scattered all over my dining room table, kitchen table, coffee table, well, actually EVERYWHERE! “Mom, I have to work.” “I don’t have time to rinse the plate off.” “Gotta go.” The enabling side of me felt compassionately that it was just too hard for them to be expected to do 5-10 minutes of chores. They were stressed. But then, so was I. I work too.

The climb back to a clutter-free zone with children is not completely victorious. We fail and sometimes give ourselves space and grace when times get really hectic. But we don’t stay there.

When I am tempted to feel guilty and mean about expecting children who live in our home to pitch in, I am reminded that allowing clutter to reign in our lives and in the lives of our children is actually not kind.

One Small Win: Holding kids accountable to a standard that fosters peace can set the foundation for their lives to be clutter-free in their mind and homes.

So to our children who are now young adults, my husband says, “You’re right – you’re an adult now . . . act like it!”

“A servant pampered from childhood will become a rebel.” Proverbs 29:21

clutter-free parenting


Denise Pass is an author, CCM artist, worship leader and speaker from Fredericksburg, VA, where she lives with her amazing husband and five children. Denise is passionate about writing devotions and music that foster unshakable hope and healing in the face of seemingly insurmountable circumstances. Her ministry, Seeing Deep in a Shallow World seeks to be a compass grounded in Scripture and a place where real problems meet real, transparent faith and needed answers in Scripture.

You can read more about Denise’s ministry, Seeing Deep, over at www.denisepass.com or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Simplifying with Seasonal Planning

Simplifying with Seasonal Planning

seasonal planning

Planning out goals for the New Year can be both exciting and overwhelming. There are SO many opportunities, the world is our oyster. So we often start strong, ambitious; thinking this is the year we’re going to do all of the things.

But then reality sets in and we realize maybe we can’t do everything, but if we can’t do everything can we do some of the things? Anything? Or do we get stuck in the overwhelm?

How to utilize seasonal planning

I’d like to suggest a better way of planning out our goals. It’s what I call quarterly or “seasonal” planning. One of the greatest changes in my life has come from shifting my perspective from chasing “balance” in my life to embracing seasons.

I’ve learned that I don’t really believe in “balance” when it comes to time management. I think it’s a good thing in theory but balance implies some kind of equal distribution of time, energy and resources. And in reality, that’s just not possible. We don’t divide our 24 hours into equal parts where all of our roles get the exact amount of our time, energy, and attention. That would be balance.

Really our lives are made up of rhythms and consist of seasons.

By seasons I mean seasons of life sure, but also annual seasons; winter, spring, summer fall.

Every season brings with it opportunities and limitations and when we work within a seasonal framework we are better able to maximize our time.

I would guess that your calendar also moves with the seasons whether you are intentional about planning projects and goals around them or not.

If I break my calendar into four quarters, that gives me four unique opportunities to work on goals and projects. When I plug in opportunities and limitations based on seasons I have a better idea of how to maximize my year.

Let me give you a few personal examples based on some of my own seasonal opportunities and limitations.\

Spring:

Opportunity– our school year is wrapping up so I have more time to focus on work projects.

Limitation– my youngest plays baseball so on Monday and Friday afternoons I have to plan on getting him to practice, but I also have a window of time to run errands or read a book while waiting for him. I know this commitment will be over before the summer begins so I can plan accordingly.

Summer:

Opportunity– kids are out of school and we usually plan a vacation during this time. There is ample opportunity for play and rest. It’s also a great time to tackle larger home projects.

Limitation– because the kids are home I have to get creative about keeping them entertained while I work so I often use this time to plan and grow by taking a class or attending a conference rather than take on new work projects.

These are just some very simple examples but you can see how taking into account our family’s seasonal responsibilities can affect how much I decide to add to my schedule.

Perhaps you have your own seasonal opportunities and limitations. They may include:
• work deadlines
• family celebrations, holidays, birthdays
• health limitations (think seasonal allergies)
• seasonal church or ministry responsibilities
• conferences or classes
• vacations
• back to school and end of school year events and responsibilities

seasonal planning

One Small Win: Spring is just around the corner and it might be a great time to consider your own rhythms and seasons and the role they might play in how you plan out the rest of your year.

DOWNLOAD: Click here to download a quarterly planner.


seasonal planningZohary Ross is a life coach, speaker and author of the Aligned Parenting Workbook. Zohary is passionate about encouraging and equipping women to have clearly defined “most importants” and live out their values and priorities. Connect with Zohary at http://zoharyross.com/.

Are You Overwhelmed by an Unfinished Project?

Are You Overwhelmed by an Unfinished Project?

When my son, Jonathon, was seven, he was totally into Monopoly.

I went on eBay and found a Monopoly clock, Monopoly mug, and then struck the Monopoly motherlode: Monopoly fabric!

Started

I bought enough to make a quilt, pillows, and curtains.

I signed up for a quilt-making class, where I cut a lot of the fabric into a lot of strips. I even sewed some of the strips into T shapes.

Then–-as is so typical for my Expressive personality–-I ran out of steam.

Stopped

I quickly became overwhelmed by all the attention to detail that making a “T Quilt” requires.

I didn’t want details; I wanted a quilt!

So, I set the project aside. Then bagged it up. Eventually, stored it in the garage.

For. Ten. Years.

Stored

A decade later, when I pulled out the box that held the bag holding all the Monopoly fabric, my heart took a fantastical leap.

“I can finish this now … or this summer … or next year!” I started thinking.

But thanks to Clutter Free, I knew that my habit of storing stuff was not good stewardship.

Letting of an unfinished project

So I took photos of the Monopoly fabric and posted them on Facebook with the note, “Free to good home.”

Sherry, an acquaintance, responded immediately. An avid quilter, she offered to take, and promised to use, all my quilting fabric and supplies.

Then–-as is so typical for my Expressive personality–-I forgot all about the fabric. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m an idea gal, a starter, so I moved on to new projects.

Two years later, Sherry blessed me with photos of the quilt that I started and she so lovingly finished:

unfinished project

It looks better than I ever imagined!

She gave the quilt to a family member who was thrilled to receive it and adores using it.

What started-stopped-and-stored project can you give away today?

One Small Win: You don’t have to hang on to the quilt…or the guilt. You don’t need to finish what you started. You can let someone else take it from here.

unfinished project


personal manifesto

Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.”

Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and Overwhelmed.

Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (24), also opposite personalities.

Are you a Highly Sensitive Person? Take the self-quiz and discover the surprising strengths of a tender heart.

Episode #236 – Overwhelmed by Relationships

Episode #236 – Overwhelmed by Relationships

ListenNow

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by relationships?  We have lots of friends and acquaintances and all require some of our time.  Some feel they should get a bigger chunk of time than you have to give. Those friendships can become overwhelming. There are safe and unsafe relationships and we can’t have everyone as our close friend,  We can’t manage all those relationships.

How do we manage our expectations in relationships in a healthy way?

Kathi and Overwhelmed co-author, Cheri Gregory discuss times in their lives when they had to set boundaries or when they had unrealistic expectations of relationships. Kathi talks about a time when  “I couldn’t be a good friend, but I needed a good friend.”

Listen in as they discuss how decluttering relationships is hard but it’s necessary to make room for the ones God has called you to.

Hope for Tupperware Organization and Your Sanity

Hope for Tupperware Organization and Your Sanity

by Kelsee Keitel

Would you join me in a moment of silence for all the Tupperware containers lost due to my neglect? First stranded in my vehicle for weeks, then tossed to their dumpster deaths?

I can’t tell you the number of Tupperware containers I’ve thrown away without even attempting to open last month’s leftover salad. (At least I think that was salad; you never can tell after 30 days.)

Sometimes I think my Camry is more like a scrapbook than a car.

If given the chance to ride shot-gun amongst my leftover lunches, you may notice the floorboards are littered with last week’s junk mail, sermon flyers from at least four Sundays back, and straw paper memories of the last several early morning fast food breakfast meals I’ve consumed (Chicken-Minis anyone?).

Make your way to the backseats, and you’ll find a baker’s dozen of half-consumed water bottles, about a week’s worth of wardrobe, and enough old receipts to save a rain forest.

I don’t even have children. I can only guess what goodies they would add to my collection!

I remember being 16 and thinking I’d never trash my beloved ride to freedom.

But here I am.

Life, it turns out, is messy.

And you might be in the lane next to me, surrounded by your own junky memorabilia.

I actually don’t mind cleaning my vehicle all that much. But getting myself to actually do it? That is the problem.

I’ve got every excuse for procrastinating this job. My biggest being that the temperature outside is too uncomfortable. (I live in Indiana … so the hot is hot and the cold is COLD!) My next excuse, I honestly forget until the next morning when candy wrappers spill out when opening my door.

But there is hope!

I recently found a system that works for me. I still use the floorboards as my personal dumpster (we’re breaking one habit at a time here, okay?). I no longer have trouble making myself clean out my car.

Here’s my simple system:

When you leave for work in the morning, take two plastic grocery sacks to the vehicle with you.

Go about your day and make as many messes as you like.

When you get home at the end of the day, you’ll be prepared to clean out your vehicle (which happens to be the perfect temperature because you’ve been driving it!)

Fill one plastic sack with trash. Fill the other with items that need to go inside.

On your way inside throw the trash in the trashcan.

Bam! You’re done!

I like this system so much that I’ve started to leave a supply of sacks in my car to tidy up whenever I feel inspired.

One Small Win: If you tired of putting off the task of cleaning your car, gather up some grocery sacks right now and put them by your car keys. Next time you leave, equip yourself for the job with no excuses.

Just think of all the Tupperware we can save!


Tupperware organizationKelsee Keitel is a graduate student and blogger, living in Indianapolis, IN, with her newlywed husband. She is passionate about cultivating sisterhood through vulnerability and introducing young women to the freedom and abundance of life in following Christ. When Kelsee is not snuggled up with a book and sipping tea, she can be found experimenting in the kitchen or chatting with her mom.

You can read more about how Kelsee experiences divine moments in the midst of ordinary life over at kelseekeitel.com or on Instagram and Facebook.