Bad Mom Monday: The Grip of Guilt

Bad Mom Monday: The Grip of Guilt


Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.  Proverbs 3:5-6

I kinda got thrown into the parenting world head first and torqued a little to the right. Beginning with twins and ending with two out of four children having significant special needs led me being overworked with no break in sight.

I didn’t have time for fun, with the constant nebulizer treatments, doctor appointments, behavior plans to create, and social stories to write. But after 10 years of constant crises and the “work” never done, I finally enrolled in a four hour art class I’d dreamed of taking for years.

On the day of class, my son became sick with asthma. I was torn, wanting to care for him but desperately wanting the class I finally had the chance to attend, and I really needed time doing something fun. I was going to stay, but my husband said to go and he’d take care of Robbie. So, I went.

Well, Stevie’s breathing worsened and he ended up hospitalized before I got home. Guilt grabbed my heart and yelled, “How could you leave your child at a time like this to do something so frivolous? You should have been there! What kind of mom are you?”

As Robbie improved, so did my perception and Guilt released it’s grip.

I realized, as I stayed with him overnight, that God took care of everything; every little detail without my help.

It turned out my husband was able to be the superhero this time, something that he needed. I respected him more for being able to handle the crisis with 4 kids while I was gone.

And, I realized if I don’t take time to have fun, and guard it, then I will never “have” time for fun. Now I try to get out at least twice a month, to do something I want to do.

When worry whispers in my ears about the kids, I remember that God alone is in control. I am not the “only” one that can deal with things.

I also remember that I will be much more capable and creative to care for my family if I take time to care for me.

Merri LewisMerri Lewis is mom to four children, two boys and two girls. They range in age from 11 to 2. Merri enjoys writing during her carved out free time. The rest of the time she enjoys hunting for treasures as she raises her very active children. Merri blogs at, with a focus on ministering to families with children on the autism spectrum through the many stories her children provide.