by Nancy Anderson
This is the last in a four-part discussion outlining communication techniques that have helped my husband and I understand each 0ther. After 30 years of marriage, we’ve been able to demystifying some of our differences. This four-part series was adapted from the book Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome.
Hint and Miss
Another way I drove Ron crazy was to hint at something and then throw a fit because he didn’t get the hint. For example, one warm, sunny day as we drove by a Baskin Robbins Ice Cream store, I said, “I love lemon sherbet.”
He just kept driving. How dare him! I guess he didn’t know that my hint meant, “Stop the car. I want some ice cream!”
My girlfriend Tonya would have understood the hint and said, “Good idea. Let’s get some!” But Ron was oblivious. He thought I meant just what I said . . . go figure. Men rarely hint because they’ve learned to ask for what they want. If women would stop the “hint-speak” and ask for what we want, we’d be much more likely to get it.
These changes didn’t take place overnight. I think the issues related to teasing took several years to resolve. If I can see that Ron is making an effort, then I give him some room to fail occasionally. If I went “postal” on him each time he forgot, he’d get discouraged and stop trying.
So as you see your mate start to develop new positive patterns, encourage him or her, and be willing to overlook an occasional slip. Be sure to verbalize your praise and notice when your spouse does it right. Your marriage will grow sweeter as you have less conflict and more understanding and patience.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them [wives] with understanding. ~ 1 Peter 3.7
Guest blogger Nancy C. Anderson is an award-winning author and speaker who loves to teach women and couples to avoid the “Greener Grass Syndrome” by watering their own lawns. Nancy and her husband Ron teach at marriage seminars and banquets. For more information about their speaking schedule and other marriage articles: www.RonAndNancyAnderson.com or their blog www.joyfulmarriage.blogspot.com
She and her husband Roger are the parents of four young adults in San Jose, CA. When she’s not dating her husband or hanging out with her puggle Jake, Kathi is speaking at retreats, conferences and women’s events across the US.