OK – I know I am going to get some comments on this post.
Let me be clear – while I am using the word “date” really what I am talking about is making time to connect with your spouse. I just happen to think dating is one of the best ways to do that.
With that being said, I am worried about the lack of dating among my friends (both flesh friends and webby buddies.)
In the survey results, the number one reason for people not dating was babysitting issues – not being able to afford said babysitter, or trust the ones you can afford. (Two of the people who commented were 1. My brother and 2. My neighbor Karyn. I love both of their kids so I guess it is time for Auntie Kathi to step up!)
But the second most popular reason was a lack of time in order to go out together. And that’s just a crying shame.
I have had several friends who have recently gone through empty nest syndrome. (No danger of that around here. Justen just told us he wanted to go for a master’s degree after college at San Jose State. Roger and I will never be alone…) But these moms have gone through the same pattern – gearing up to get the kids out of the house, then turning around and realizing the only one left is their hubby. Since she has spent so much of her life pouring into her kiddos, there hasn’t been a lot of time left over for bonding with her husband. Now – he is the only one left and she realizes that they haven’t talked about anything except the kids since 1995.
I know – at this point, you feel like the kids will never leave. But that is even more reason to date while the kiddos are at home.
It is so important that you not only be mom and dad, but that you be husband and wife first. Your kids will experience a deeper sense of security if they know that their parents are a cohesive team.
So if it is a choice between dating your spouse and one more activity for your kids, I vote for dating.
It is a great way to teach your kids:
1. Mom and dad are real people and really like hanging together – even without kids.
2. They are not the center of the earth.
This morning, my daughter got up to come cuddle in bed with my husband and I. (actually, she came into cuddle me, but since I was in the shower she settled for daddy!) When I crawled back in bed to snuggle her, I asked her if she knew who my favorite person to snuggle is. She pointed to herself, and I said “Nope.” At first she frowned, but then when I told her it was Daddy, she grinned and said, “yeah, but you like to snuggle me second best right?” After agreeing that she and her two sibilings were all a tie for second place, she was satisfied and settled in for her snuggle time.
Putting the marriage relationship first is so important. It provides stability for the home and for the family. You are right on Kathi!
Wow! I am on board with you Kathi…100% My husband and I have started Project 52…it is all about dating your spouse one night a week for an entire year. I will be posting each week what we do for our date. There are also links to Simply Modern Mom who started the project. There are simple rules and most of the dates are after the kids go to bed.
For some great ideas check it out:
http://spottedsmiles.blogspot.com/2010/02/project-52-dating-my-spouse-1.html
I agree with you Kathi! thank you for continuing to challenge women to get their priorities in line. Trying to squeeze in a date with my hubby in the next couple of days – we have free tickets to Studio Movie Grill! Can’t let those go to waist!
I think you are absolutely right. We will give our children more of a gift of having two parents totally connected to each other rather than some activity they may forget ever having done. I really don’t think time is an issue- we all are busy people but we make time for what is important to us. I honestly think we don’t date because we don’t see it as important or a priority. We just don’t want to do it. We will make time to watch the latest shows or hang out with girlfriends. I knew of a couple who lived in an isolated area and their date night was at home each Wednesday after the kids were in bed. They could rent a movie and eat dessert. I think it definitely needs to be scheduled.
I find this to have a fine line for me. It is like walking a tight rope. I love my husband very much and want to spend time with him too. Then there is the “my kids didn’t ask to be here” in the back of my head and they need to grow up to be well balanced individuals and I don’t want to neglect them either. I know what you are saying and this is just the recording that plays. It sometimes feels like my limbs will release and go flying from one end of the house to the other. Oh, then there is the time alone, you know, the Bible study or sewing one might want to do? How do women get it all in? Is it scheduled or on a wing and a prayer? Just asking………..
Amen.