UPDATED: July 14, 2016: In the midst of The Husband Project online bible study with Proverbs 31, I wanted to share this older article with all my new friends working hard to love on their husband. It can be especially hard to know how to love on our men when he’s having a hard time. It can be depression, being overwhelmed, overly stressed, health issues, etc. As wives we CAN help even when we feel helpless.
I get some variation on this question a lot when I’m speaking: What should you I do when my husband is overwhelmed?
It could be because of work – or finances. Or there’s stuff going on with his parents, or in your family. Whatever the reason, we all know when it’s happening. Maybe he get’s really quiet and withdrawn. He may be in a place where talking about it (or just about anything,) is overwhelming. He’s exhausted, so either he sleeps all the time, or he doesn’t sleep at all.
You know what it looks like for your man. But when you see it happening, don’t just wait for the wave to pass. There are things you can do actively help your man during this difficult time.
Here are five things you can do right away when you realize that your husband is overwhelmed:
1. Lighten His Load
Are there things around the house that your husband normally does, that you, (or an older child) can do for him right now? Even hiring a teenager to mow the lawn could be just what your husband needs to know that you’ve got his back.
2. Pray for Him
Here are eight verses you can pray for your husband, right now, as he’s feeling overwhelmed. I think it’s important to let your husband know that you’re praying for him. Roger walks with new confidence when he knows that I’ve got his back, prayer-wise.
3. Feed Him
I don’t want it to seem like I’m making our guys into cavemen, but there is something about knowing where his next meal is coming from that can really make a man feel more secure. If you haven’t signed up for my newsletter, you can right now and receive my e-cookbook The Ultimate Guide to Man Food for some inspiration.
4. Sex or Physical Touch
Again – not trying to go caveman here, but sex is (for most men,) the biggest tension reliever he will experience. Setting aside some time (and even asking your parents if the kids can have a sleepover,)will do more for your husband than just about anything else. However, if he is in a place that sex is even an area of discouragement, offer a no-strings-attached massage, or head, hand or foot rub.
5. Words of Encouragement
One of the reasons your husband may be feeling overwhelmed is that he is feeling undervalued. What can you say to make him know that he is valued and respected?
- “Thanks for working so hard to provide for us. I appreciate all you do.”
- “I feel safe when I’m with you.”
- “You take such great care of me and the kids.”
- “I love how you lead our home.”
- “God blessed me so much by letting me be your wife.”
Want more ideas? Download my 21 Post-it-Note Encouragements.
Giveaway: July 14, 2016
Go to my Facebook page and respond to the question of the day for your chance to win a copy of Praying God’s Word for Your Husband.
Question of the day: How do you help your husband when he is overwhelmed by life?
Hi Kathi
My guy lost one of his best friends and his father very suddenly within 2 months of each other. He’s now trying to deal with all of the grief of losing them, trying to take care of his mother, keep his business afloat while missing a ton of work to take care of this and take care of me and be a super dad. He’s been the strong one for everyone else for so long that he doesn’t know how to deal with it when he can’t handle the stress, anxiety and emotions. To top it all off he hasn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a month. Now he’s pushing me away and I’m at a loss for how to help him. Any advice you could give would be appreciated.
I’m not seeing a clickable link for viewing the Scriptures. I’m on my phone though so maybe it’s not showing for me?
Whoops! The graphic with the scriptures listed was showing above the first suggestion, not with the suggestion for praying so I didn’t see it. Never mind I found them. 😉
So glad you found it!
My husband is feeling overwhelmed and I am finding myself very selfish saying I’m overwhelmed too!!! I will pray these scriptures for him. Thank you.
Prayer is important and sometimes I call a prayer line so I know many are praying for him. This helps me to feel supported, too–since an overwhelmed husband can be hard on a wife. Sometimes I’ve had to ask him to see a counselor when he was stuck..it was a huge burden off our marriage.
That’s super!
Hi Kathy,
I married a kind man we have both experienced a lot of trauma in our lives, our daughter has Ptsd however, it is being managed now pretty good. I do a lot of volunteering in our community perhaps even too much, from parent council, and two non profit orgs where i direct a choir, and I also have a part time job. My husband now is feeling I do too much, so I m just going to have to cut back a bit and be home more, hard to do when I also sit on the executive boards of these orgs and the school. Not sure how to do this, but I will pray and I know God will help me, we do family devotions every night with our children, so the family priorities are right, just not so sure about mine personally.
Jessica, thank you so much for taking the time to share. Please know that we will be praying for you.
I am torn between two feelings. First, I am frustrated at the fact that he is overwhelmed because I am overwhelmed too and I really wish he would look up an article about how to make me feel less overwhelmed. Then I feel guilty for being selfish, but I am at constant battle with myself. I am trying to remember that serving another person does not make you a doormat and I need to give my husband the kind of unconditional love that I give my children, without the resentment. I am a Christian woman and I am constantly re-evaluating and wanting to know what Jesus would do in this situation. I have found it helpful to look at it from your perspective and your ideas are great. Thanks
Oh, boy….just scrolled up and looked more carefully at the picture on the right….found the verses! 😛 It’s late, what can I say?? Thanks again!
Hi Kathi
Thanks for posting this. It’s quite timely as my husband is in that spot right now. I don’t see the verses that you mentioned. I’d love to be praying scripture over my husband during this time & would be interested to see what verses you include. Thank you so much!
Jessica – sorry your hubby is going through a rough time. The verses are on the picture to the right.
I love your message and your tips. There are two things I would add. At times, my husband needs words of affirmation from his colleagues and guy peers, not just from me. So, I pray for the Lord to send him “kudos” during the day. And, the Lord always answers my prayers. Yea God! Also, I learned early that we shouldn’t try to fix the problem or rescue our husbands, because it is often God trying to work out something in their lives. So, I whole heartedly agree, there is nothing like praying for our man and letting him know we are! Love and appreciate your ministry!