I don’t know when exactly I stopped praying. Just that, gradually, in the exhaustion and life changes of new motherhood, I stopped regularly reaching out to God.
I knew I needed God. Boy, did I need him. I was a mess. An exhausted, weepy, milk-leaking time bomb of a woman.
But other than frequently asking God, “Are you sure you meant me to be a mother? Really, really sure? Because I’m not at all convinced that I’m the right one for the job,” I wasn’t managing a whole lot of prayer.
I wanted to have quiet time with God, but many days I couldn’t even seem to find the time to take a shower. At night, during the three seconds between my head hitting the pillow and sleep overtaking me like an oncoming trailer truck, I would think, Oh I didn’t pray today. Again.
Part of the problem was my limited idea of prayer as this hour you spent with God very early in the morning. I constantly felt guilty for not doing this. Praying first thing in the morning is a beautiful way to greet the day, and I know that it works well for many, but at this stage of my life, the thought of getting up earlier than my lark of a baby was daunting, to say the least.
So I was thrilled to discover a prayer ideal for praying at night.
It’s an ancient Ignatian prayer called the Examen, and since it is an examination of your day, it makes the most sense to pray it at nighttime.
First, you reflect on where you felt closest to God in your day.
Second, you think of when and where you felt furthest from God.
Finally, you ask God for forgiveness for any ways in which you strayed and ask for help in doing better.
I love this prayer. Often I go through the three steps fairly quickly and then fall asleep. Other times I find myself lingering with God in thanks for something or working through a time when I messed up. It is so joyful to reflect about those times in which I feel close to God, which for me usually come when I am with my children or in fellowship. And I find that I don’t even dread thinking about those times when I have gotten angry (usually also with my children) or otherwise erred because I am asking forgiveness and resolving to do better. I actually find myself looking forward to these nightly strategy sessions with God.
Yes, I am still exhausted when I fall into bed at the end of the day, but having this agenda for my prayer makes it so much easier to do it rather than just feel guilty about it. (How much time do we waste feeling guilty about NOT praying?)
When it comes to prayer, I don’t think God cares much whether we do it at night or in the morning, just that we do it.
I still pray the Examen at night before I fall asleep, and I still get to be woken up in the morning by my early-rising boys leaping into my bed and snuggling into my arms. And that is a beautiful way to greet the day.
In the comments please share your tips or favorite way to pray. We will choose THREE winners to receive a copy of Julia’s book Mom Seeks God. You have until Friday, April 7. Or you can purchase Mom Seeks God today.
Julia Roller is the author of Mom Seeks God, the story of her journey to reconnect with God through ten essential spiritual practices that she did her best to fit into the chaotic life of a mom with small children. She lives in San Diego with her husband, two sons, and miniature dachshund.
I have always valued my “shower time” for prayers specifically that are my “routine” prayers for others. I have specific individuals I hold up in prayer on a regular basis. This came about because of the prayers of a faithful women in my church who did it for me for many years until I found the man God had for me at 35!
I am going to practice these 3 steps (which I find so practical and meaningful at the same time) while I put my son to bed and lay with him before he sleeps. I know that will always be a quiet time for me-but my hope is that with time I’ll have time with a prayer journal-but for now in these early years of parenthood I’m going to treasure this prayer time while I hold this little boy!
Thanks for sharing this article!
Thank you so much, everyone, for these great prayer tips! I too find my time in the shower to be very conducive to prayer. Long walks, when I can manage them, are another favorite. There’s something so holy about familiar, repetitive actions. Congratulations to the winners, and I hope you enjoy Mom Seeks God!
With help from my husband, we pray together after we put our toddler to bed. It took several attempts for this routine to actually get implemented and now it starts our couple hang out time in the evenings.
Joyce – I love this idea….we have a 4 year old and I still read to him and hold him in bed and what ends up happening many nights is I fall asleep holding him! I think I will work with my husband to start doing this and as much as I love and treasure these years of holding my little boy I know that time of prayer and communion with my Lord and Husband is the best thing for that little boy and for our family.
thanks for the encouraging post…
Mother to 4 girls and 1 boy, and I work two jobs outside our home and do a direct selling from my home… It seems the only time I have to pray is when I’m in my car, rushing from one place to the other, but spending that precious time in prayer or singing praises along with Klove seem to really help put my focus back on track and help to calm the stress storms raging inside me…
I pray in the shower and I pray in the car on the way to work. And sometimes I even pray in the car on the way home from work. And sometimes during the day. I don’t have much time for sitting quietly and praying, and as these are really the only times I am by myself, this is when I try to pray. Even then tiredness can creep in and my mind wanders, but I do try… 🙂
Someone recently shared with me to pray while holding an eating or sleeping baby… We do that a lot with our babies, so we could surely fit some prayer into that part of our day. Thanks for your suggestions too. Going to try tonight.
My favorite time of prayer is the 10 minutes I get alone in the shower in the morning preparing for the day. I go over my plan and seek God in all that is in store. I feel hopeful and in tuned more when he speaks to me. I’m gonna to start reflecting as you have suggested at the end of the day also. Thank you, I just came acrossed your blog and it’s great. Look forward to it daily.
God bless
Dawn Hack