“Earlier this year 37-year-old Maggie Gyllenhaal revealed in an interview with The Wrap Magazine that she was denied a role opposite a man almost 20 years her senior because she was ‘too old’.
‘There are things that are really disappointing about being an actress in Hollywood that surprise me all the time,’ she said. ‘I’m 37 and I was told recently I was too old to play the lover of a man who was 55. It was astonishing to me. It made me feel bad, and then it made me feel angry, and then it made me laugh.” DailyMail.com
I love Maggie Gyllenhaal’s evolution of feelings when it comes to being judged as “too old” at 37 to play the love interest of a 55 year old actor.
First, she felt bad.
Then, it made her angry.
Then, it made her laugh.
When one of us is made to feel badly about ourselves, for our age, our weight, our sags, our lines, I know very few people who embrace such a body positive image that we’re able to just laugh straight off. Just as there are seven stages of grief, I believe these are the three stages of self-acceptance.
As a woman who is trying to make sure that I’m doing all I can to feel great about myself and my marriage, the world is definitely not making it easy on us.
[Tweet “How to be a HOT MAMA in your 40’s #bettermarriage5”]
And so at 40-something, when I start to feel bad about the criteria the world uses about how I look, about my sex drive, my energy level, I realize I need to move from stage one to stage three pretty quickly. (For my sake, and for the sake of my husband.)
Because the sexiest things about a wife are confidence and the ability to laugh at yourself – and fellow forties friends – this is where we have it all over our younger sisters.
We mamas in our forties know a few secrets that our younger friends may have yet to discover:
Our teens think we’re hard of hearing because we play the TV so loud, (but really that’s just to cover up the sounds of our nooner on a Saturday after lunch.)
We realize that naps aren’t just for sleeping anymore. (Daytime sex is awesome, especially since most of our kids aren’t so “little” anymore. When they stopped taking naps, we started.)
We love Meghan Trainor’s song “All About That Bass” (and buy lingerie with some structure so we too can keep “all the right junk in all the right places…”)
We understand that while the visual is important (that’s why, even at our “advanced” age, we’re STILL going to the gym,) that the pat on the butt and the “Can’t wait to see you tonight, the kids are staying with friends overnight…” as he’s going off to work can have a pretty daunting effect.
So as I work at being a Hot Mama in her 40’s, I want to give you a real glimpse of what it looks like:
My Hot Mama Marriage: Recently, I had breakfast with Elisa Morgan, the founder of MOPS. Elisa and I have known about each other for a long time, but hadn’t spent any time together until this breakfast. After the food had been placed on our table, she turned to me and said, “I want to know about you. Well, what I do know about you from Facebook is that you are madly in love with your husband.”
Yep – after the fact that I’m a Jesus girl, that’s the most important piece of information you could know about me. But it hasn’t come without a lot of struggle and pain.
Two divorces (one his, one mine,) two kids, two step kids, and two exes. Debt, death, and did I mention exes?
It hasn’t been an easy road, but now, in our forties (OK he’s in his fifties, but he acts like he’s in his forties – in the best way possible,) we have the gift of having a few years under our belt and being supremely and utterly comfortable with each other. It’s such a gift.
My Hot Mama Bedroom: OK – you know how all those romance books tell you to reserve your bedroom as a sanctuary for your romance?
For me? Not so much.
I run a business from my home, and grand central is a corner of our bedroom. BUT, one of the advantages of being in my late forties? Pretty soon all the bedrooms in our house will be vacant and I will have my own little office. I will be able to dedicate our bedroom just to bedroom activities (which include sleep, Seinfeld reruns, and sex. In that order.)
My Hot Mama Exercise Routine:
I was trying to be a runner.
Keyword: trying.
Until the scourge of Planter Fasciitis hit. And now I’m a walker. (But at least I’m not using a walker, so that’s a good thing, right?)
So while I’m not “crushing it”, I’m taking exercise more seriously than I ever have before. I’m walking a mile every single day, and have walked two 5Ks. I’m trying to challenge myself in new ways. And part of the reason is I can feel the difference when I exercise like never before. When I don’t move? I feel it for the rest of the day. That’s even more motivation than looking great – feeling great.
My Hot Mama Clothes:
I spend more money on my clothes now than I did when I was younger, but I’m also way more confident in what I look good in, and what I should avoid at all costs. And remember – confidence is sexy.
My Hot Mama Nights:
Monday through Friday? I love to cook a good dinner, and after a long, long day, relax with my man for an hour or so, (I get up at 5 AM, so the hour between 7 and 8 PM is the best one I have,) where, if Roger had his druthers, I would spend the entire time scratching his back (and sometimes, that’s exactly what happens,) and then Roger goes back to work in his office (his team is India) and I wind down for bed.
Hot – right?
But that connecting during the week pays off on the weekend when we go out with friends or travel on the weekends. It’s a comfortable routine, with a little hot thrown in on a regular basis.
My Hot Mama Sex Life Challenges:
Let’s be honest – if you’ve hit the forties, you’ve noticed some changes in your sex life. Physically, things have changed – for you and for him.
It’s at this point, you can’t be shy about talking to your doctor. There are meds, there are over the counter helps. Don’t be shy! Your great sex life depends on it!
My Hot Mama Confidence:
I am absolutely more confident than I was in my 20’s or even my 30’s. In your 40’s, you stop trying to please the world and start working on pleasing the ones that are important. In my case, that’s God, my husband, and in my forties, I can finally say, myself.
Are you a hot mama in your 30’s? Then head on over to Erin MacPherson, my co-author’s post about hot to pull off being a Hot Mama when you still have some kiddo in the house… http://wp.me/p33YCp-Kz
Want to up the heat in your marriage, no matter what your age? Check out Kathi and Erin’s new Book Hot Mamas! http://shop.kathilipp.com/product/hot-mama-12-secrets-to-a-sizzling-hot-marriage/
I’m definitely feeling more confident in my 40’s than any other time in my life.
Thanks for the giveaway.
Thanks so much for this series. It has opened my eyes as to what my husband needs from me. I have never had enough confidence, but I’m gaining more each day. I’m now able to show my husband the love he deserves and in a way that God intended. Thanks for the opportunity to win these books.
Okay, now that I’m solidly in the 50s (just turned the big 5-1) I want to hear Hot Mamas tips for this group. I was surprised to learn recently that some of my girlfriends aren’t even intimate with their husbands anymore because it’s not comfortable. I just assumed everyone was doing it but not so…
I’m learning to love being in my 40s and enjoy the body I’m in now! Thanks for this series this week and the opportunity to win these great books!!!
This was a great read. Thanks!
Fun to keep it hot
Not quite in my 40s (almost) but these books look great.
I love this blog. Thank you for your honesty and bringing great advice in a way that I can laugh with you and at myself. Being in our 40’s brings new challenges but why not face them with confidence. Confidence is something I’ve struggled with my whole life but am beginning to see this in a new way.
Heather, you’re the winner of the books for today’s post! Please send your mailing address to my Ministry Manager at sherri @ kathilipp dot com (type as a normal email address, of course!).
Getting harder to feel hot in my forties, but thanks for some ideas. Maybe I will win the books and get some more “Hot” ideas. Thank you.
Still a mama in my 30’s with kiddos (I will be popping over to Erin’s site as well) but I definitely plan to follow through on the inspiration given and continue on even past my 40’s which will be here before I know it.
Kathi thank you for being so open and honest about how you feel. You are a great encouragement! I would love to be one of the luck 5.
This is good advice. I definitely need to work on things!
I loved reading this. I’m in my 40’s, he’s in his 50’s AND we still have all of our kids at home. He worked very long hours from February until July and by that time it was summer and all the kids were home all the time. Work has slowed down and school is back in session. Time to take back our “us time”. 🙂
Would LOVE to win all five of these great books!! Happy forties, ladies!
Would LOVE to win all five of these great books!! Happy forties, ladies!
thanks for keeping it real!
I have appreciated your blogs this week and listening to you and the others on WMBI on Karl & June. My husband & I are in our sixties and because of his health issues, are not as “active” as we had been. I appreciate the encouragement on how to improve our relationship. I actually was able to put into practice what I had read and heard this week. I was able to explain to my husband why I was upset at what he had done and we were able to discuss it calmly. HUGE for me!!! Do you think these books would be beneficial for me at my age? Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
I love the way that Kathi is so down to earth and tells it the way it truly is!
I’m finding that my 40s are more liberating! I actually feel better about myself (even with knowing things I need to do 😉 ).
I like me! and I couldn’t have said that even 5 years ago.
Kathi, thanks for being so real and for encouraging us to come along and be the best women and wives we can be!
Great suggestions! Would love to win!
Of course, if your man can’t or won’t take meds, you could be the hottest mama ever and it won’t make a bit of difference. You have to accept what is and not worry if your bedroom is just warm. It beats ice cold.
GREAT! Thanks!
Thanks for these great ideas. I’m working on bettering myself so I can be a more confident wife.
I too am growing as a Hot Momma in my 40’s with preteens at home. I use my bedroom for hiding! (and sex!) Thanks for your work and for encouraging us wives!
Great tips! Thank you!