My friend Sarah (not her real name,) is out there. “There” being the dating world. And after hearing about her adventures out there, it makes me doubly grateful for my husband Roger.
Because while Roger is one of the good guys, there are a whole lot of bad guys.
A whole lot.
Like the guys who told her, “Oh, I thought maybe you’d lose some weight since you took your profile picture.”
A whole lot of bad guys…
But as she was telling me some of the worst points about the guys she and her friends have dated, it started to feel oh so familiar.
“He’s never around when I need him.”
“He’s lazy. He just sits around. I never get to do what I want to do.”
Since writing my book Clutter Free, I’ve heard every complaint about clutter, but for the first time, I started to see the correlation between the things that women say about bad relationships and the clutter that is ruining their lives.
“I can never find anything when I need it.”
“I would be able to get so much more accomplished if I didn’t have to deal with so much clutter.”
And when we start to see our clutter in the light of a bad relationship – the need to break up with it becomes oh, so much clearer.
1. Clutter, wants to make sure you know that you’re not good enough for anything better.
That boyfriend discouraged you from going for your degree or getting a better job. “You don’t have enough time for me – what makes you think you’ll have time for that.” He kept you from dreaming about the better life you could have and wanted you to settle. Clutter does the same thing. It convinces you – YOU! – you bright, intelligent, passionate woman, that you can’t handle your life and that you should just settle.
2. Just like a bad boyfriend, your clutter is constantly jealous.
Clutter doesn’t want you going out – it wants you stuck at home, tending to it. Clutter is lazy, and wants you to do all the work.
3. Clutter is a liar.
Clutter calls you lazy even though your coworkers always tell you what a hard worker you are. Clutter tells you that you will never change. Clutter says you’re not creative, not smart, not passionate. Clutter lies to you every chance it gets.
4. Your friends and family hate it.
My mom hated my first boyfriend. Hated him. I spent less time with my family and my school friends, and started to change my personality to accommodate him. Clutter makes the same demands – isolating you and making you bend to its will.
So how do you break up with clutter?
Here are a couple places to start:
- Get as far away as possible.
It’s so easy to revisit your clutter- putting it in a box to look at later. Putting it in the garage so it’s out of site, until you can turn around in the garage… Make a clean break from your clutter. Don’t just put the donations in the back of your car, drive straight to the donation station and dump that clutter (anything that would be useful to someone else, but is no longer taking care of you, that is.) - Refuse to let clutter come through the door.
The best place to stop clutter is in the store- don’t buy it in the first place. Know your clutter weakness areas – the Dollar Store, the office supply aisle at Target, thrift stores, antique malls – and make a plan with exactly what you’re coming home with. - Get some accountability.
Have you ever told a friend, “Ask me every day if I’ve called him!” Well it’s the same with clutter. Have a friend ask you what you brought home that day- or better yet – what you got rid of! Challenge each other to get rid of 100 things (and no fair checking out each other’s stash to see what you may want to bring home.) Get rid of it, once and for all and celebrate each other’s success!
I would love to hear your story of how you’ve broken up with some of your clutter- give us specifics – we need some hope from those of you who are living free!
Break up with Clutter in just 14 days! Get Kathi’s Kickstart to Clutter Free eCourse today and kick that clutter to the curb sister!
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So happy to see this addressed by FotF FB page! Clutter is depressing me!
I’ve been chipping away at it for YEARS and recently joined another daily organizing method. It seems like I have one step forward and two back.
I’ve been blessed by my loved ones who have passed and left me their prized possessions and then I need to make decisions on what to keep and feel guilty about it.
Several parts of my personality contribute to my cluttered house; very sentimental, being indecisive, and a “perfectionist” needing for it to be perfect decision, feeling responsible to EVERYONE, grown up poor where any nice things I was given were sold, own a business which requires me to be a crafty renovator/ property stager.
I’ve let go of SO MUCH but recently my father died and left me a houseful. (My house went to shambles while I cared for him this last year.) My brother has asked me to hang onto a list of pieces for him for when he drives from out of state next summer. I culled 15 boxes of dad’s memento junk down to 3 boxes of junk.
One day I quickly went through a pile of paperwork and almost threw away a VERY expensive item.
Then recently out of the blue, my uncle sent me my dear grandmother’s huge set of China (5 boxes!) which my daughter would like someday. This is making me let go of my husband’s late mother’s 7 boxes of China, quite guiltily, I might add. And my baby granddaughter is with me 4 days a week, so her stuff is slowly taking over again.
Having said all the defeats and setbacks I’ve had…I haven’t given up!!!
This is the year for me to get organized! I have to do this so I can let go of the material and be FREE and all God has called me to be!
I hope everyone struggling in this way will be able to live in freedom from clutter!
Thank you so much for sharing your story! I know it will help readers who see it here. You do have quite a few obstacles to overcome, but you’ve got determination, and that’s the best place to start. Just remember that the guilt is not the truth. And you may have to let go of some “things” but the memories will always be with you. Keep going!
I’ve had boxes piled in my bedroom for close to 2 years from when I could no longer pay for the storage unit they were originally in for 3 years before that.
I now am faced with moving again in a couple of months and I’ve promised myself that those boxes are not going with me.
I do have a desire to just throw them out since I have not looked in them for over 5 years, but unfortunately there are family heirlooms hiding amongst them. So I have promised myself to work diligently over the next few weeks to sort through them and pass the heirloom stuff along to other family members and to find a hole for the rest of the stuff (whether it be the dump or Salvation Army)
Anna, I’m so glad that you’re determined not to let those boxes follow you to your new place. It’s so easy just to keep them and pretend they aren’t there but so much better to go through them and see what treasures are inside. Hopefully, you’ll find something wonderful that you can use and some great things to pass along.
Above
I read your article today and discovered that I am married to a clutterer!That’s just how my husband of more than forty years behaves! I am a baptised christian woman but sometimes I feel very frustrated. I however, trust God to make a way!
I hope you are able to find a way to declutter your home and to help your husband see that it’s okay to clear out things and to bless others with the things we no longer need or want. Blessings to you!
This is so good! While I can’t really relate to the bad boyfriend, just this week I’ve been cleaning out our closet and other areas of the house. I was just recently having a pity party over not having enough room in our house. Our three kids are getting bigger and I just feel like we are out growing our space. Two of our kids have to share a room and being 8 years apart in age with the oldest at 12 it’s getting harder and harder. I found myself wishing that we could add on even though we’ve already done that once and it’s not really possible to do it again. Anyway, even though I’m not a hoarder it occurred to me that we have a lot of stuff and it’s simply time to go through it all. While daunting at first it’s been freeing. I love our house, and the discontentment I’ve been feeling had everything to do with my perspective. While it would be nice to have more space we have been so blessed with what we already have! So I’ve concluded to stop wishing for more, be thankful for what we have, nice house, yard, neighborhood, low payment etc. We live in a culture of excess, we truly have no idea how good we have it! I just donated 12 bags this week and I’m not done. It feels good to unclutter! On top of that I’ve found things from my past that I’d forgotten all about. They are great reminders of all God has done in my life this far. Thanks for your article. 🙂
Cindy, it makes my heart so happy to hear that you’re getting rid of so many things in order to love your home again. It sounds like you have a lovely place to live and you’re right, we all are so blessed. I hope you stay motivated and keep up the good work. Your family will love you for it!
I’m so glad I discovered you! In college I had a slight stalker. A seemingly nice guy that just wouldn’t go away & kept showing up wherever I was. My clutter is the same way. It isn’t at a dangerous “hoarder’s” level so I convince myself that it isn’t that bad. It has also followed me through multiple moves to multiple states. I’m working on it though! One box full at a time.
Great! One box at a time is a good place to start. You go, Beth! You can do it! We believe in you!
Beth, we’ve all had those stalking boxes and bags of things! You can kick them to the curb. Keep pressing forward. 🙂
I love the analogy it is so perfect. Though I must say I have not had tons of men hanging on to my leg wanting to give me a diamond. I laughed as I read the title. But, hey I am working on CLUTTER. I have 2 organizations that pick up on my front porch. You mark the boxes, PH or ARC and you come home and they are gone. I have a box on the porch all the time, every time I see something that needs to find a new home out it goes, out of sight out of mind. Love it! Thanks for the smiles.
Betty Anne, thanks so much for sharing! I think it’s awesome that you’re giving things away that you know you don’t have room for. Keep it up!
Love this post! Actually it totally makes me laugh how you personified clutter but also how real to life it is!!!
This is so good to read and affirms what I have been doing this fall. I am slowly going through closets and cupboards around the house. I have taken about 5 trunk-loads of outgrown kids clothes and not-currently-used household items to Salvation Army. I feel so free and happy after it is dropped off and out of my house for good! I haven’t missed any of the clutter and find myself going back to the area I just cleaned to feel good about a tangible change I made that day.
Keep up the great work!!!
Ohhh, that was soo good, Kathi! I lol’ed more than once! Ok, so a couple days ago I cleaned out a walk-in closet that hadn’t been worked on very much for years. I found stuff in there that I didn’t even recall that I had, and at least one item that I didn’t recognize EVER having! I filled up an entire carload of clothes and other stuff to take to the local crisis pregnancy center, which has a thrift store and also regular rummage sales — both helping to raise $ to assist moms and save babies. Having an awesome cause to donate to has been a big motivator for me. When I drove away with a free feeling due to an empty car, I was praising Jesus for His goodness for all involved — more lives saved and more space in my life!