5 Questions Stepmoms Face:
- When is the honeymoon phase?
- What is my role exactly?
- Who do I always feel unwanted in my own home?
- When do we start to bond as a real family?
- Will my stepchildren learn to love me?
When it comes to your home, peace is possible…
Kickstart to Clutter Free
Clutter Free Book
I didn’t know you were a step-mom, Kathi! Or maybe you were helping your friend write the book. I plan to check for it at my library.
I became a step-mom to a now-almost-9-year old 2 1/2 years ago when I married his amazing dad. I read lots of books about what to expect and while things are not perfect (what is, besides Jesus?), I am so blessed for several reasons. My husband was never with my step-son’s mom after SS’s birth. They were engaged when she got pregnant and she broke up with him for bizarre reasons (not-good-enough job, etc). So I didn’t replace anyone! I am an addition to SS’s life the 50% of the time he’s with us. Then, I get along well with his mom! Sometimes I bite my tongue or smile when I want to get ugly, but it is better for all of us that she and I communicate well.
Hubby and I dated for 2 years before marrying, so SS has known me since he was 4 years old. Over half of his life. We have never suggested that he call me anything other than Jenn and we don’t throw around the step-mom word much.
I can’t say we had a honeymoon phase, since I am pretty intentional about being who God made me and I am the parent who sets boundaries and expectations.
We work out my role as we go and there have been times when I have kept my mouth shut, in deference to Mom and Dad. Then discuss things with each of them at another, low tension, time.
Since we live with my husband’s parents on the family farm and take care of them, it did take some time to feel at home. But since I make God’s presence my home, some extra prayer time always helps.
We do lots of things together and made sure to include SS as often as possible, even before we married, as well as talking about “our family” when we can. Hubby having always been a single parent lets me mother and suggest parenting and family ideas often.
My step-son took a while to love me, though he does now and even says so. But the God-thing was the love He put in me for that little boy! Not having bio-kids, I had some pretty big resentment of a 6-year-old sleeping in our bed and my husband focusing on him and not on me. I know now that most parents do that and I am thankful that SS does go back to his mom every other week, so we can focus on each other.