I had failed.
Big time.
My failure felt huge, as if someone had come into our backyard with a backhoe and dug a hole as large as our house. And now I was sitting by the hole—broken, beaten down, discouraged—trying to fill this huge hole back up with one teaspoon of dirt at a time.
For me, this feeling of having failed big time—so big that I couldn’t imagine any hope of repair—happened in my coaching business.
Have you felt failure?
Maybe you’ve felt this way, too.
- Maybe you felt defeated in a relationship with someone you loved. Now you are no longer speaking.
- Maybe you’re blaming yourself for your child’s poor choices.
- Maybe you tried something new at work only to have it backfire.
The exact details of my failure aren’t important. Let’s just say they involve regretting a large financial investment, hurting from many misunderstandings, and feeling totally discarded. As if all of a sudden, my work and I didn’t matter any more.
A failure too big?
As I processed the pain and loss, I began to change my thoughts about this event, which originally felt like a failure “too big to fix.”
Changing my perspective on “success” and “failure” actually helped me to gain more momentum than if the “failure” had never happened.
For years, I wrongly believed success in business meant I would reach a point when I no longer “failed”.
Do you feel this way about parenting, work or relationships? Are you just waiting for the day when you make your last mistake?
Here are a few new ways I’ve learned to look at failure from studying high achievers.
- They accept making mistakes is a natural part of succeeding.
- They learn from their mistakes.
- They do not allow the fear of failure to hold them back.
God never stopped working in my failure
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably way too hard on yourself when you make a mistake.
Maybe you feel like you’re sitting by a huge hole. A failure of your own that feels too big to fix! Trying to fill it back up with a teaspoon.
God honors the smallest thing we do. It’s as if He comes in behind us and throws in shovelfuls of dirt when we aren’t even looking. Over time, the hole fills back up.
One Small Win: Today, let go of putting so much pressure on yourself by expecting a “failure-free” life. Instead, accept when you make mistakes or even fail, God still works.
Success isn’t all “up to you.”
Watch and be astounded at what I will do. For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn’t believe even if someone told you about it.” Habakkuk 1:5
How does it change things for you to realize that failure is a necessary part of success?
Mary Lou Caskey trains Christian coaches and communicators to influence hearts through the power of story. If you want to become a transformative story-teller, click here to connect with Mary Lou and get her free quiz, “Is It the Best Time to Share a Personal Story?”
MaryLou, This is so good! The fear of making mistakes is huge. What a great perspective you give here! I shared. : )
I relate to that fear of making mistakes Leslie. Thanks for connecting.
I have felt the sting of failure and wrestled long and hard to “fix” things. Peace didn’t come until I surrendered it. Admitted my failure and began the steps of letting myself off the hook. So hard to do. Thanks for the encouragement, Mary Lou.
That is hard to do Beth, but so worth it isn’t it?
Mary Lou your story is so true of my own personal life. It resonates with me in powerful ways. I have walked this path as well. It is very hard to forgive yourself when the “failure” feels so big. I love your picture with the teaspoon because it is such a perfect description of how I have felt in my own situation. The change in perspective is what gives up the ability to hope again no matter what the loss. Your choice of scripture is equally powerful as well.
Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable so we can all be encouraged that others have struggles, too. We are not alone.
Crystal, we are definitely not alone! Thank you for sharing that so beautifully.
Marylou, thank you for being so candid and honest. I think it is good to hear “real people” show that they also get discouraged but learn from it and move on. Great job!
Thank you so much Amy!
The Lord is bringing this verse to mind: …being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phil. 1:6 NIV
And this version ministers to me: And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. Phil. 1:6 NLT
Blessings to you and yours…
Julie, that verse (and especially the version) does fit so well. Thanks or sharing.
I loved your imagery of trying to fill up our failures with a teaspoon when really only God can fill that up for us in ways we can’t even imagine or expect. Thank you for sharing your story to encourage us when we face failures in our own lives!
Liana, I love how you sad that only God can fill in ways we can’t even image or expect. I find that hard to do when I’m focusing on my mistakes. Thanks for connecting.
MaryLou, thank you for sharing. The topic of failure and how to react to it is one of the things I talk about passionately. You’ve done a good job on this! Thank you.
Dale, that is so true, reacting to what feels like failure is something that’s important to talk about. I’m glad that you do a good job with that. Thanks so much for commenting.
Beautiful article. I have been trying to fill my pit using a teaspoon instead of letting God resolve it. I have had multiple confirmations in the past 2 days that He sees and has not finished with it yet. Blessings my friend.
Pat, I apologize if this message comes through twice. I am so glad that God is giving you multiple confirmations. He’s definitely not finished. Thanks so much for sharing.
I tend to put very high expectations on myself. I prefer giant steps, not small steps. However,my giant steps overwhelm me and lead to failure. I love Mary Lou’s advice about doing one small thing.
Jane, I think we all feel that way about taking giant steps. You said it so well, thanks for connecting.
Mary Lou, Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing your story. The shift in perspective to accepting mistakes as normal is so helpful and very powerful.
Kim, thank you so much. The part that I didn’t write about yet, was that I later realized that the fear of making mistakes or failing was actually costing me more than the “mistakes or failures” themselves.
Thank you so much for providing the opportunity to share this story.