Kathi sits down with friend and coauthor of “Overwhelmed,” Cheri Gregory to talk about performancism. It’s important to know when to put an end to your day and stop working for the night.
Cheri shares some personal stories about how she was able to shift her thinking from one of shame and blame to one of, it’s okay to rest.
This is a great episode on how to spot performancism, call it out and find a better balance in your life.
In this Episode You Will Know:
- What the word performancism means.
- How to know if you suffer from performancism.
- Why it’s important to stop and listen.
- Why it’s important to be both comforting and practical.
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Downloads from this episode
The 3 Most Important Things to Know If You Suffer from Performancism
How to Know If You Suffer from Performancism
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Special thanks to Cheri for joining me this week! Remember to enter in the drawing for our “You Don’t Have to Try So Hard” gift basket and for your free download, “The 3 Most Important Things You Need to Know If You Suffer from Performancism and All the other Bad Behaviors” and “The 3 Most Important Things to Know If You’re Dealing with Somebody Who Suffers from Performancism.”
Meet Our Guest
Cheri Gregory
Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.” Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and Overwhelmed.
Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.
Cheri blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at www.cherigregory.com.
My struggle is determining when my issue is performancism or not holding my family accountable to doing their part. I’m starting to have more “aha” moments and asking myself what THEY could be doing that I am doing and engaging them. For example: I want to clean up dinner, finish laundry, and lay out stuff for the next morning before sitting down to a movie (that I won’t stay awake for anyway). My family will sit in the family room waiting for me to finish it all. Duh! Have one of them get the laundry, one wash dishes, etc. while I prep for the a.m. Maybe it’s more controlism than performancism. 😉
Wow! I don’t feel it’s coincidental that this is what y’all are discussing at this time. God has been teaching me about this very thing this summer. (Yet another source to show me he wants to set me free!) I’ve alteady begun implementing last week’s thank you versus I’m sorry suggestion. This week I’m going to stick by my boundary of No Re: my amount of service at church and follow Dr.’s orders to rest. I feel like God has been telling me to change my perspective Re: rest. He isn’t trying to punish me with it but rather intends for it to bless me. I love the saying that I’m a human being rather than a human doing. Our identity is in Christ alone. Period. Anything else is a false counterfeit gospel. I would love to read your book. Can I still access the book club if I’m not a member of Facebook?
Loved this episode! A healthy boundary I can set for myself this week would be to focus on the “do less better”. I try to take on everything and then multitask to get it done.
Looking forward to the new book!
My healthy boundary is to not let my kid pressure me into spending money I don’t want to. He doesn’t need a $50 backpack. Thank you for your podcast.
I began enjoying watching movies again when I quit trying to multi-task. I was trying to do counted cross stitch and watching a movie at the same time, and missing a lot of the key points of a movie. My daughter had a simple solution. “Mom quit trying to cross stitch and just watch the movie.” Simple solution. More enjoyment.
I found this episode to be way to true for me. There are a lot of places in my life that so much of this applies. This week I’m going to focus on the “do less better” and figure out how many areas I can implement that truth. And maybe…figure out when my day ends.
Mine is also starting new things. Then a couple of weeks later I suffer the stress and anxiety of burn out and then shut down and don’t want to do anything. It’s a vicious cycle!
My boundary for the week is I’m going to let myself watch a movie I’ve wanted to see for awhile.
A healthy boundary for me is that my schedule and what I think needs to be done is not necessarily someone else’s schedule.
The boundaries that I need to set is to just get started. I tend to want to get it all done and done well. I often feel overwhelmed by what is on my to do list so I will clam up and avoid doing anything. If I would just start or do it for a few minutes I could get a lot done in that time and feel better the next day about what is left.
I can choose a healthy boundary by picking a time (say 6pm) and then not answering the phone/ checking emails and giving myself to my kids, husband or alone time for the evening. Otherwise work seems to follow me everywhere because I work from home!
I know that I’ve slipped into “performancism” when I begin to list and micro manage my tasks. There is also a strong emotional component. I can relate to Kathi’s reaction to Cheri: “You have to do all THAT?” I tell myself that it’s a management tool, but it’s probably a kind of score-keeping that evaluates my performance. I’d love a copy of your book!
Hi friends~ I was unable to access the 2 pdf downloads. ??
I wasn’t able to either.
“Performancism” I’m so glad I now know the word for it! Every “symptom” you list, I have. Every “pain point” I do. Every word of this fits me perfectly! When I start to feel out of control, I go to pen and paper. Everything I “think” needs to be done (and done by me alone, usually) gets written down, evaluated and (if possible, once I’m calmed down) delegated. Vacations, family get-togethers, holiday events – those are my things. We have most of them at my house b/c they know I will have everything we need and it will be planned. The spontaneous throw-togethers, I’m usually an after-thought.
I totally need this book in my life. 🙂 I have the need to do all the things and of course never finish or follow through on all the things and then become disappointed in myself. I am working on finding the top few things that bring me joy and stick with those.
WOW! I can relate in so many ways. Starting new projects.. Ouch that stings. I can’t wait to get my hands on your new book. I know it will be valuable insight. Thank you for using your gifts and talents to bless us! 🙂
I have actually spent over 30 hours preparing for a 30 minute Bible study because I want to teach truth “the right way” instead of trusting the Holy Spirit to work through me in a reasonable amount of prep time. Unbelief ? Fear ?