One of the statements I consistently get at events (or even at church) is: “Wow. So, your house must be perfect all of the time …”
Um … no.
- If you saw my garage, you would know that, while I’m exponentially better than I was 10 years ago, I’m still a work in progress.
- I still live in my house. Therefore, there is clutter.
Yes — I am the anti-clutter queen. I will rail against clutter and the effects that it has on our hearts, minds and spirits until my dying day. But you see, in reality there are a couple of different kinds of clutter:
- The clutter of life.
- And the life-stopping clutter that shuts us down.
So how do you recognize the difference between the clutter of life and the life-stopping clutter that shuts us down?
1. The clutter of life has relationship baked into it.
For instance, the clutter of life is baking cookies for or with people you love. It’s the fairy tent that you built with your child and let them keep up for several days even though it is in the middle of the living room.
But the life-stopping clutter is the pile of unpaid bills in the middle of said living room that taunts you every time you walk by it. It accuses you of being a loser who doesn’t deserve nice things. Ever.
When you are creating clutter and building relationships at the same time, that is the kind of clutter that is temporary, fun and freeing. That is the kind of mess that needs to be encouraged.
2. The clutter of life is the mess we make when we don’t give up.
So much of the life-stopping clutter is when we have just given up on a situation — or worse — given up on ourselves.
The clutter that hurts us is not produced when we’ve tried and failed, but the times we’ve tried, failed and didn’t try again (and held onto the evidence for too long as a reminder).
So, you tried painting and it didn’t turn out. That happens.
Now, you have two choices:
- Try again.
- Or give away all the canvases,paints, easels and brushes to someone who would enjoy painting.
Any other decision (leaving it out, packing it away in the garage) means that it will become life-sucking and therefore, the bad kind of clutter.
3. The clutter of life is created in the present.
One of the things I hate about many clutter books is the sense that we need to live all-or-nothing lives. They teach that the ultimate goal for a clutter free home is to get it to the point where it looks like no one lives there.
To me, that defeats the whole purpose of creating a clutter free life: Freedom.
And freedom isn’t only doing what God has designed you to do in your life, in your ministry and in your family. It is also being at peace knowing that what you are doing is the right thing, even if it doesn’t fit your mental picture of “the right thing.”
Freedom really looks like being at peace when our lives, our parenting, and our homes don’t look like other people’s — not even those of our favorite people on HGTV.
My friend Jami tackles this concept head on in her new book, Sacred Ground, Sticky Floors. She embraces the idea that our parenting doesn’t have to look like everyone else’s to do our best job loving our children into adulthood. (Plus, she gives us the freedom to know that it’s not all up to us.) If you are looking for a funny and freeing read, grab this book.
Here is what I know when it comes to parenting and clutter: There is the clutter that drug me down for so many years, and the clutter that built my relationships with my kids.
Don’t get the two confused. One will limit your life. The other? Is life.
Comment below by sharing one way you can increase the good clutter in your life and you’ll be entered to win one of five copies of “Sacred Ground, Sticky Floors” or our grand prize of the book and the Shark Steam Pocket Mop Hard Floor Cleaner with Swivel Steering XL Water Tank.
In January 2018, our family of four made the decision to see if we could get rid of 2000 items from our house that were no longer needed or wanted. By the end of February, we made our goal and our home feels “lighter” and so do we. Now the good clutter shines through.
Good clutter looks like a big Duplo creation in the middle of our living room. Plus a 8 foot long ‘combine’ made out of giant tinker toys. But the relationship my son and husband fostered because they built together a machine like grandpa and dad use in the field for harvest – priceless! (But I am secretly wondering how long until I can take it down!) 🙂
Decreasing the bad clutter helps give focus when there is a chance to be with my kids. I love when I can set adult things aside to play with my children. They don’t see any of the clutter the way I do, so I have to make sure I focus on what is important so I can give them my best!
I’m learning how painful it is to pass clutter onto children as I clean out a relative’s house. I need to heal so J don’t do this to my family.
What a great reminder that He loves me no matter what!
This podcast slayed me. I would say my most sacred parenting moment was the day our foster daugjter’s Lawyer said that there was no chance that she would be freed for adoption. Birth mom had 5 other kids and they were all with her. We chose to give our hearts anyway. Turned out the lawyer was looking at the wrong case. She is now our oldest daughter.
Oh wow!!!
I recently moved into an apartment. In the process, I got rid of a lot of clutter. i still have much to get rid of. It’s a work in progress. For positive clutter, I am trying to refocus my life, instead of living for others, taking care of me in a healthy way. I am trying to make the apartment my own instead of trying to meet other peoples’ approval.
So thankful for this podcast that led me to your blog and to hear Jamis story! Thanks for writing you two!!
Thanks for giving us a chance to win.i can decrease clutter in my home my making short term cleaning goals and not being overwhelmed by the mess. I can decrease the clutter in my mind by reading more
My way to increase my good clutter in my house is to focus on decreasing the bad clutter. I’ve done multiple purges over the last couple of years, and each time it allows the stuff our family enjoys and uses to shine through. My good clutter is my book habit–I’m a big reader and there are books everywhere in my house! By continuing to purge the stuff that’s truly just clutter and taking up space, I leave more room for my books to live and then I enjoy my books and reading time in a much more peaceful environment.
I need to relax more about good clutter. Unfinished projects sitting around. School work and papers. I like my home to look lived in but tidy. And realize it will never look like a magazine photo shoot until only I am living there with no one else and doing nothing but sitting or walking out the door. Because living creates good clutter.
I really struggle with the clutter around, but a lot of it is really the clutter of my mind. I need to allow myself to play with my kids in the clutter around me and release and make peace with what’s holding me back mentally.
Hi Kathi!
The clutter of life…the clutter that shifts this place we live from house to home is the smell of bacon, the pile of books I’m planning to read…it’s my hubbies newspaper and glasses on the breakfast table and photos of my grands on the fridge. The clutter I’m working to remove is meaningless stuff; stuff that I push around, dust, rearrange and find little or no joy in touching and seeing.
Love me some Jami and enjoyed this post…glad to meet you!
By not letting clutter or the lack of it control my emotions. To still be able to take a deep breath and have fun with my family before stopping to clean it all up.
I am a homeschool mom of 2 great kids but I tend to focus on home management and my to-do list over the relationships. I have felt a strong pull recently to change that and really build relationships in my family that God intended. I want to work on doing the activities that help me connect with my kids on a deeper level and if that means temporary messes then I need to see that as good. I am really working on finding the activities that really get my kids excited and doing those. Making crafts with my daughter and building Legos and robotics with my son.
Such a great post, I really needed to hear right now. The realty is my four small children won’t be young forever and if I’m constantly striving for a clutter free home and missing out on the opportunities of Happy clutter, than I’m missing missing out of memories and experience that won’t be able to be replicated. Finding the balance is so hard, thank you for this post!
I can start by giving myself a break. With 5 very active kids and a terminally ill husband, clutter is inevitable. I can be gentle with myself.
My struggle is wanting to do a fun activity with my kids, but not wanting to deal with the clutter and mess. I need to let it go and just enjoy the time with my kids, because those are the things they will remember when they are older.
I’m so overwhelmed at times by the bad clutter. I didn’t like the kids to make messes when they were little. I seldom let them enjoy life clutter.
Piles of Lego creations from my boys and tons of drawings. ? These equal good clutter. I also want to be better with fun messes like baking.
This was a good reminder for me. As a mother of 2 boys, messy is my life. You have reminded me to let them dump their legos out on the floor sometimes to build that perfect ship for their ninjas and pirates. Defining the difference between life sucking clutter and life giving clutter is important for me. After all, my kids live here, too, and they should be allowed to play in rooms besides their room. Thanks, Kathi.
I can increase good clutter by allowing my daughter’s toys to migrate to different rooms sometimes as well as doing more art projects with her 🙂
This helped me to realize that what God has called me to do doesn’t always fit with my picture of neat and tidy as I play and garden and bake with my grandkids.
Thank you
My husband is so much better at doing fun, good-clutter, relationship activities (arts and crafts, fort building, cardboard box creations, etc…). I need to embrace those fun times more w/ our kids instead of just looking at each situation as a big mess to clean up.
All my kids LOVE art. So good clutter would look like paper, markers, glitter, gluesticks, stamps, and stickers out on the table. It might also look like walls decorated with said projects instead of fancy Hobby Lobby decor (or at least a mix of the two.)
Loved this article a lot. Thanks for posting!
I need to say yes more often to the “messy” things my older daughters want to do before they stop wanting to do them with me! I just can’t handle the idea of the clean up ?
I have always used a planner my entire adult life but now I am retired and totally into the whole planner community thing. The pens, the sticker books, the washi tape. It really does help me get what I need to get done but it also creates a mess at times. I just got a big decorative box from Michaels and when I’m done decorating and planning out my week or my month I put everything in the box and my table is clearish again! But I enjoy it so much the mess doesn’t even bother me!
This is what I needed to hear! I’m going to have life clutter – especially right now with two young kids. Toys, art projects on the fridge and finger prints on my windows and walls. But those babies will be grown soon so I’m going to love my life clutter right now!
This post really hit home but was very freeing to me. It was good to hear that we can have life giving clutter and that is what I am experiencing with my grandchildren. I am learning that a clean and spotless picked up house is not as much fun as dressing up with my grandchildren, forts and playhouses all over the living room floor when they come to visit!
These are memories I want to make.
Just trying to keep the main areas picked up and start to purge baby clothes now that the kids are older. Taking it one day at a time!
The painting topic really hit home for me. I have never tried painting, but I have tried various other crafting and failed. In the past, I have not done anything more with the supplies. In the future, I need to either keep trying or determine to give them away to someone who can use them.
Now that I’m a grandma, I’m still inundated by clutter- but I’m slowly making my way free. This post was so encouraging as I sit in my office surrounded by board games that my 11 year old got out to play with his adult big brothers and walk into my living room where the basket of pre-schooler “grandma toys” sits- some of this is life clutter that we need to keep and while I sewed for years, I just gave away my mother’s sewing machine to a married daughter because it sat in my hall for a year and I never opened it up. That was a huge freeing, guilt releasing step. Thanks
Kathi for your pushing us in good directions.
My house has good clutter and bad clutter. My kids can be very creative (ie. messy) and I usually try not to get upset when my kitchen table becomes an art room but I don’t always remain calm about the craft projects that line the various rooms of my home. However, this post helps show me that there is good clutter – never thought about it like that really. It’s all the stuff that they use to create that needs organizing. But I will also be a bit wiser in my decluttering so I don’t eliminate the relationship-building clutter, only the life sucking clutter. I had been putting off a baking project in our history curriculum because of time and mess – but i will rethink planning that into our day.
I need to cook more with my kids. They are ready to learn, but it just takes so much longer to have them “help”!
I am too quick to move my kids creations out the door and too slow at tackling my own stack of paperwork. I’m going to shift my focus and enjoy their creations more! I’ve never thought of the good vs. Bad clutter until now. How enlightening!
This is great! We are often hosting people for various things and I’m working on embracing the clutter and hat comes with that.
Thank you for this! Would love to read this book. I love making memories with my kids; but lately when they make a big mess doing something fun, I see how much work the cleanup will be….and I wish I could just enjoy the moment.
I would love to embrace baking with my kids more and knowing that is acceptable clutter will help! I have too many other areas I continue to struggle with so hopefully I can manage this one well!
I am going to do the baking and cooking with my kids. I want to until I think about the mess it will make. I will embrace the clutter of life.
This post offers some great ways to distinguish between types of clutter! We’ve got both kinds around our place. I’d love to increase the good clutter with some more art lessons with my kids. They love it and it is such a great way to spend time together!
I love life-giving clutter! My house has become a refuge for women and children in crisis situations, and I wouldn’t trade a moment of that messy situation for anything!
Thank you Katie for your insights !!
I was told it is a lifestyle adjustment..since when getting the clutter out but then
find myself in same boat..again 🙁
yes need more good clutter..like the pie I meant to bake and surprise my hubby with..and yes kitchen will be.. messy.. but is the joy when pie comes out great..well I am not a super cook at all.. so means a lot.
.. bills or mail..can be good clutter too
when having to work on it, like having to use it, to pay the bill for example or?
Thank you so much ~ Lord bless you ~
I need to do more in the relationship-building category of the good clutter, especially cooking for my family and eating together more. I am not a cook and that’s partly because it frustrates me that cooking for an hour is over in two minutes of eating so I need to 1. find simpler ways to cook good meals and 2. linger longer over a meal. And yes that means the kitchen will be messier and there will be more dishes to wash, etc. but that’s definitely a good thing! I’d love to win a copy of the book 🙂
Thank you for this message and sharing this book. I was in the middle of purchasing a large company. For the last 6 months I was so busy and away from my home and kids. I felt so very bad as my home was so out of order. My son was turning 17 this weekend. So this month I made a choice to take the whole weekend and plan a trip for him and 10 of his closest friends. I knew that I had so many other things to do but would only have one chance to celebrate this last birthday as a child. Next year he will be 18. We had so much fun and made so many great memories. I barely even took photos because we were so in the moment. At the end of the trip the business tried to pull me back in. For a moment I get badly and down thinking that I should have done some work while we were gone but I came home and opened this email. It helped confirm the choice to make some good clutter. My car is full of kids things from our trip. So many things they forgot and left in my car. I will be busy tomorrow with work but as I deliver their things to them after work I will get a second chance to reflect on the in we had. The one time I get to celebrate my sons 17th birthday. This is the good stuff, the good clutter. So, for this evening my car will remain cluttered and I couldn’t be happier about it. Thank you again.
I can increase the good clutter by recognizing it as good clutter and not let it get confused with the bad clutter. Sometimes the bad clutter is so overwhelming that I shut down the possibility of good clutter because I’m already struggling with the bad clutter. Thankfully there is hope!
I can relate to that. Distinguishing between what is good clutter and what is bad clutter is a really good idea. For me, it’s good to know that good clutter is having all the art project supplies sitting out in full view b/c there is simply no room for them elsewhere until the project is complete. Then the supplies can be put away. I can be at peace with having that “good clutter” hanging around for the period of time that is needed to finish the art work. Thanks for that positive revelation! 🙂