For some people, a three-step plan for a decluttering system results in a neat and cozy home within a few months. For others, decluttering is an arduous journey. It’s not because of busyness or not having a system in place. Behind stacks of clutter, hidden spiritual and emotional issues lurk. If we’re honest, we admit that sometimes it’s just easier to keep those issues hidden in the piles of clutter.
Here are some hidden reasons for clutter:
- Low self-worth
- Pleasing other people
- Clinging to the past/reliving our mistakes
- Poverty mindset—fearing the lack
- Depression/anxiety clutter cycle—If we’re constantly in the emotional part of our brain, we can’t use the logic part (where we make decisions).
Some of these reasons are chronic, while others are situational. In 2014, my eyes were opened to a long-time clutter problem in my own house.
A few months after my dad passed away, my siblings and I traveled from three different states to his house. It took us four days to clean it out, working from early morning until late evening, when we were too tired to move.
I lost track of how many giant, industrial garbage dumpsters we filled. Time and again, a driver would load it onto his truck, empty it at the dump, and bring it back again.
Anything you could think of, we threw away. (We gave a lot away too. A charity came and took what was useable to help needy families.) Stacks of old magazines, mattresses, bank papers from before I was born, and an entire drawer full of keys to who-knows-what. Sixty-seven years’ worth of stuff, and I don’t think Dad ever tossed anything besides old food.
For me, it was like looking into my future.
When I arrived home, I saw everything I had piled around my house. Even some stuff I didn’t want but kept anyway, for fear of offending the relative who gave it to me. If I didn’t do something now, I realized, my kids were going to be saddled with loads of useless stuff to deal with upon my death.
It wasn’t that I hadn’t ever learned a practical system for being clutter free. One of the books in my many stacks was Kathi’s The Get Yourself Organized Project. I’d read it and even written a review for a newspaper article.
So how did I get from cluttery mess to (mostly) decluttered and organized home business owner?
Here I share five crucial elements on my clutter-free journey.
1) Awareness.
Here’s the main difference between then and now: Today I really can’t stand clutter and work the systems from Clutter Free daily to keep it out of my house. Before, I didn’t notice it or care that my house was cluttered. I lost time, money and sanity because of my clutter, but I tolerated it because it just seemed normal to me. I didn’t consider there might be a better way to live. This is the simplest—and also hardest—of the steps.
2) A new safe space.
Since clutter is often accompanied by feelings of low self-worth, we must redefine what feels safe to us. It’s a big mind shift to feel worthy of the time it takes to improve our living spaces. Making change is hard; it’s easier to just stick with what we know. Gradually, I accepted that my new way of living was the actual safe space, and not the unhealthy condition of an overly cluttered house. Instead of making ourselves feel better by buying more things, we can enjoy the calm, peaceful feeling of an uncluttered home.
3) Treat yourself like the treasure you are.
Once I became aware of my clutter problem, I worked to keep my thoughts about it positive. I changed “I’m such a slob!” to “I’m working through Kathi’s steps to get clutter free; I didn’t get here overnight, and I won’t be rid of it all overnight, either.” If we’re constantly berating ourselves, we’ll stay stuck in our low self-worth mindset. Kathi’s mantra of decluttering being a lifestyle and not a “one and done” became my mainstay. The more kind and gentle you can be with yourself, the more progress you’ll make.
4) Deal with specific issues you’re hiding.
Among my stacks of books, I had one titled Not Marked that deals with childhood sexual abuse. I had purchased it with several other titles and dumped them into my other piles of books. At that point, I hadn’t told anyone I was suffering from PTSD flashbacks to childhood trauma. Not even my husband knew about the abuse or that I was trying to cope with overwhelming memories. Other places to hide our issues might be ridiculously messy pantries to hide eating too much junk food or crammed-full closets to hide a clothes shopping addiction. It starts with telling one friend you can trust (or a therapist) and getting to the source of whatever’s eating you.
5) Celebrate your wins by enjoying that decluttered room again.
Once I got all the piles of books out of my living room, we bought some pretty pictures and couch pillows to make it cozy. Since it looks so nice, I’m really hesitant to leave anything that doesn’t belong out in the living room. One by one, as you conquer the specific areas of your home, decorate and personalize them so that they feel complete.
Whether your hidden reasons for clutter are chronic or situational, there is hope. Establishing a system for decluttering and recognizing the hidden reasons behind the clutter is the first step. Remember, give yourself grace for whatever you’re struggling with; even if it takes longer than you hoped, you’ll get to the place where you can live peacefully in your space again.
Enter to win!
Want a chance to win a copy of Lyneta’s memoir, Curtain Call? Comment below and two random winners will be mailed a copy by March 13th. (Winners outside the U.S. will receive a digital copy.)
- What Are the Hidden Reasons for Clutter? - February 28, 2019
- How to Find Your Decluttering Motivation Again - September 13, 2018
This truly hit home for me. A lot of deaths, my mom, stepdad, 2 nephews and a missing niece. Childhood/teenage trauma is a lot to carry around. The clutter is driving me nutz!
I have a lot of clutter! I am working on it a little at a time.
I am emotionally tied to most of the things in my home. If I pick up something that reminds me of a bad experience, I am getting rid of it.
I want joy and coziness in my home.
Me too, Cindy! Anything that makes me feel shame or guilt goes right to the donation bin. Thanks for reading. I’ve entered you into the drawing.
Thanks for the insights. I am aware of the mess I keep in two rooms that I use the most – office and bedroom. My roommate is patient, she can close the door to the mess. The remainder of the house is neat – mostly she keeps it that way. I try to get organized but in a day or so, it’s a mess again. I’ve been working through some issues from the past and am better. But the mess of the rooms is worse than it’s ever been. I feel the mess is a reflection of what is going on inside. If I can get caught up and the rooms in order, I feel life will be more peaceful. I’m trying to look at the mess in 15 min. segments….not doing it all at once, which never happens. This website will be helpful in getting in a routine. Thanks so much for the Godly wisdom.
Donna, I’m glad you found us 🙂
There are lots of wonderful resources on the website. If you’d like more support, there is a Facebook group that is really encouraging and helpful. You’ll find it here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/clutterfreeacademy/
Thanks for reading–I’ve entered your name in the drawing.
I’m glad you found the website; there are lots of great resources here.
If you’d like some support, join us in the Clutter Free Academy Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/clutterfreeacademy/
Thanks for reading. You’re entered into the drawing.
Never really thought about what might be the issues to why my home is so cluttered and unorganized. I have tried to work on it but get mentally exhausted quickly. I am going to be praying on that!! Thanks Lyneta!
Thanks for reading Debbie! I pray you find the clarity you need during this process. I’ve entered you into the drawing.
Wow, I checked yes on all of the hidden reasons for clutter. I am however, growing to know who I am in Christ and giving myself grace. Will have to look into this more. And, I have been on a clutter free journey for 3 months now! That’s a good thing.
Julia, grace is absolutely essential in this process! Being gentle with yourself allows you the freedom to make progress as you’re able. Thanks for reading. I’ve entered you in the drawing.
After my mom died, we helped Dad clean their house from over 50 years of living. I took piles of stuff home because it was Mom’s stuff that I wanted to remember her by. It’s been over four years since she died and I haven’t looked in those piles. I just need to get rid of it. I also have piles of papers from researching stuff prior to the internet. I have journals too that need to be burned since no one wants to read my issues 🙂
Thanks for reading, Jill! You’re entered in the drawing.
Wow, Jill! You sound like me. My Mother passed away in December 2000 and I have boxes of her things upstairs in my attic. They’re not helping anyone and I haven’t used any of them but I feel sad thinking about giving them away. 🙁 I too have piles of papers and journals. Maybe you and I should be accountability partners.
Lori, Carol, Wendy, Brandy, and Nancy,
Thank you for reading! I have you all entered into the drawing.
After the death of my mom who was a very clean and organized person who had “stuff” I realized that I too had “stuff” that I didn’t was others to have to deal with after I am gone.
I think lots of us come to that realization, Lori! Thanks for reading. You’re entered in the drawing.
Thank you Kathi – for a great reminder to pay attention! This is just what I needed to get decluttering again!! I find that the extent of my clutter coordinates with being overwhelmed and exhausted. Then I know it’s time to make a change whether it’s exercise, emotional issues, or prayer that needs my attention. So thankful to know I can continue to trust God with this issue!!
Thanks for reading, Carol! You’re entered in the drawing.
Thank you for these insights and sharing how they relate to you as well. I have been and am struggling with clutter for many years. One reason is because I am very sentimental. Both of my parents have passed. My father, a jet pilot, went down in Vietnam three months before I was born. My mother kept many of his things and always loved and missed him. I was very close to my mother. She passed 14 years ago. I still have a storage unit w all her things. ?
I have accepted it is time to part w the clutter in my own home, as well as the clutter in my life.
Thanks for the insights.
Thanks for reading, Wendy! You’re entered into the drawing.
I am struggling with letting stuff go. I come from generations of hoarders. I’m currently trying to understand why I am this way so I can resolve my issues and move forward to a fresh tidy house. I have three young children, and I would love to break that chain.
Brandy
What a wonderful motivation, Brandy! Thanks for reading. You’re entered into the contest.
Brandy, you’re the other winner in the book drawing! Please email your address to CurtainCall at lynetasmith.com
Good, concise, thought (and emotional) producing insights. I particularly resonate with #4, although mine is psychological and emotional abuse, and using “stuff” to not only hide behind, but isolate me from allowing others to get to close. Thank you for sharing these insights. I’m sure the other four will surface in their time, now that I’m willing to start somewhere, and know that I’m not alone. Hope my hubby is ready for this discussion. Thankfully, he knows my family.
Thank you for reading, Nancy! I’ve entered you into the drawing.
Nancy, you’re the winner of a copy of Curtain Call! Please email me at CurtainCall at lynetasmith.com