The Husband Project Valentines Day Challenge- Day 3 Spreading Great Gossip about Your Guy

by kathilipp | Feb 8, 2012 | Relationships, The Husband Project | 45 comments

Spreading Great Gossip About Your Guy

Today’s Project: Say something nice about your husband to someone else. Make sure you tell him what you said, and to whom.

As cliché as it may sound, our husbands want to be our heroes. More than they want to know that we love them, they want to know that we respect them. They need to know that they’re never the butt of our jokes, that they’re the go-to-guy in every story we tell.

Make an opportunity today to spread some great gossip about your man. It doesn’t matter if it’s one of your friends or one of his; let that somebody know how blessed you are to be married to your guy.

Some key phrases you may want to put on index cards to help you remember:

?         “I feel so lucky to have a man who knows how to do his own laundry.”

?         “You know when I knew that my husband really loved me? When he could remember my order at Starbucks.”

?         “I just love the way he is with our kids.”

?         “He makes the best lasagna on the planet.”

Steering the Ship

A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it  (James 3: 3-4 The Message). That’s what great gossip is all about.

As wives, we are often the ship’s captain, while our husbands are that huge ship. Words spoken in encouragement and love can go a long way to building our men up. But the opposite is true as well.  There is nothing that can determine the direction of our husband’s day quicker than the words that are spoken to him in the morning.

Sometimes as wives, we forget the role we play in our husband’s lives. We all remember that great line from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, spoken by Toula’s mom, “The man may be the head of the household, but the woman is the neck. She tells him which way to turn.”

OK, I don’t tell my husband which way to turn, but I do have an influence about how he navigates through his day.

I know that I need to be especially careful about my tone. Sometimes I think I am just oh-so-witty, when really it’s coming off as sarcastic and biting. It’s not enough to just say kind and encouraging words. I need to make sure that whatever words I choose only build up my husband, never tear him down.

That’s what great gossip is all about.

Death to the Dufus Dad

Our world encourages us to define our husbands by what is lacking in them. Need proof? Just turn on your TV.

Watch any channel for more than ten minutes and you’re almost assured of seeing some man playing the role of the dufus dad. You know the one; his wife is always right, his kids don’t respect him, and he’s the punch line of every joke, accompanied by a laugh track. Even his best friend, the dog, thinks he’s kind of a moron.

I feel like it’s time for a man revolution in our generation. No, I don’t want to go back to the times where women were tethered to the oven by their ever-present strand of pearls. But, I do want to see a place where men are allowed to be men and they can be respected for it.

My warrior cry will be, “Death to the Dufus Dad!”

But I digress.

OK – so you have bragged on your husband, now what?

Once you have done your bragging, let your husband know what you said, and to whom. He needs to know that he is the good guy in every story you tell.

With our friends, we have a lot of influence over the “tone” of our speech. Here’s how my friend, Michelle, puts it when it comes to steering away from complaining about her husband, Rick:

“I love this Project and have practiced it for years, even when I was irritated with my husband.  Sometimes hearing yourself point out the good stuff gives you the power to change your own perception of something that’s annoying — of course, not that Rick is EVER annoying.

Another thing I think about… how women can help other women.  When a woman is complaining about her husband (not confiding, because I think there’s a difference and we should be there for our buddies), but when it’s a light-hearted complaint, where a friend may be stuck in a rut, thinking about something in regard to her husband, I try and gently encourage her to see the goodness in her husband.  I might say something like, “Yeah, he likes to watch football, but think of how he’s also bonding with your sons by sharing something they have in common!”  You know, I try to find the silver lining and ‘illuminate’ that for my friend.”

While your greatest need may be for your husband to tell you that he loves you, most guys are programmed differently. He wants, at his very core, to know that you respect him. He wants to know that you are proud of him and that he is the one you would choose again if given the chance.

This goes a long way to solidifying you as a team, as well. There’s no way that anyone in my family would ever say a word against

my husband. They know that I’m on his side, and it’s a gossip-free zone around me (unless the gossip is about how great he is.)

So to be entered into today’s giveaway: 1. Tell us something awesome about your husband, and then tell your husband that you bragged on him.

And what will you win? A copy of The “What’s for Dinner?” Solution. Food and flattery – does it get any better for a guy?