Parenting: Don’t Try To Do the Most Important Job Alone

Parenting: Don’t Try To Do the Most Important Job Alone

 

A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:12

When it comes to moms and clutter, I feel like there are two kinds of women:

  1. Those who used to have beautiful, presentable, comfortable homes before kids.
  2. Those who have always struggled with clutter, but abandoned all hope of being clutter free once kids came along.

I see a couple parallels between learning to be clutter free and raising kids.

1. Both becoming clutter free and raising kids look simple for other people, and feel impossible for us.

Before working the Clutter Free system, I couldn’t figure out how everyone else kept their house so perfect. I now know that a lot of those people, because they are a part of Clutter Free Academy, had closet clutter. While their houses looked perfect, you wouldn’t dare open a closet door.  I had bought all the books and tried to enact a plan, but none of those resources seemed to cover my issues.

It was the same with raising small kids; it seemed like everyone else had the secret manual on how to grow little ones. They had a plan, and apparently I was out of school the day that plan was handed out. Even though I’d read all the books and taken all the classes, it felt like every situation that came up with my kids hadn’t been covered in the books.

2. Both becoming clutter free and raising kids can feel isolating and lonely.

One of the main reasons we created the Clutter Free Academy online community is because clutter can be incredibly isolating. The fear, guilt and shame that go with clutter can keep us secretive and alone.

It is the same with being a parent. When we feel that everyone “gets it” except us, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and “otherness.” I’m so grateful there were groups like MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers International) when my kids were little. I needed to sit with other moms who were honest about their struggles — not every day with their kids looked like tidy finger painting and super-fun playdates where lattes and laughter were served.

I think one of the best things we can do in every tough journey—including decluttering and mothering— is normalizing those feelings of just not measuring up. When we read the books, gather with others, and are open and honest about our own experiences, it’s amazing how we can lessen the feelings of fear, guilt and shame that so often accompany hard things.

One of the resources I will be giving the moms in my life is Grit and Grace: Devotions for Warrior Moms. I love that the two authors, Suzanne and Gretta, are as real about the challenges and self-doubt around mothering as they are about the fact that they feel like they may never recover from bringing children into their homes.

Don’t do any of this alone. The mothering, the decluttering or anything else you feel like you just have to “grit” through. Because while you may need to grit those teeth, you don’t have to do it alone.

Hang in There, Mama!

For those moments when you think you’ll never live up to the Supermoms around you—when you’re elbow deep in the grind of diapers and laundry and peanut butter sandwiches—you need a good dose of Grit and Grace.

This refreshing collection of 90 daily devotions comes from two moms who’ve found themselves face-to-the-floor in need of encouragement—and now they’re offering it to you. Through humor and vulnerability, these short messages of truth remove the filters of perfection clouding your vision and bring clarity to your purpose as a mom. As you read the Scripture and prayer that accompany each day’s message, you’ll discover more fully who you are in Christ and how to raise your children to reflect His love to the world.

In receiving grace from the One who is present in your life right now and in every moment, you will find you have ever more grace to give your kids.

CONNECT

Stop by www.suzannegosselin.com to get to know Suzanne, author and stay-at-home mom.

WIN

Enter to WIN! We are giving away a Grand Prize one lucky winner PLUS, Harvest House gave us 5 additional copies of Grit and Grace to give away to five more lucky winners! Our Grand Prize winner will get:
• A copy of Grit and Grace, of course!
• A $50 Starbucks card to take you and your mom friends out for coffee on us!!!

Enter to win by leaving a comment about your biggest kid related clutter issue below in the comments section. (We’ll randomly select 6 winners and notify them in the comments section by February 27th.)

REFLECT AND RESPOND

Today, look at the woman in your mirror and tell her, “God knew what He was doing when He picked you to be your kids’ mom.” Pray for God to guide you to reach out to a mom who needs to hear this same message: give her a call, drop her an email, or send her a quick text.

Kathi Lipp and Clutter Free thank Harvest House for their sponsorship of today’s devotion.

When You Don’t Know Where to Start: Handling a Whole House Clutter Makeover Like a Pro

When You Don’t Know Where to Start: Handling a Whole House Clutter Makeover Like a Pro

When You Don’t Know Where to Start: Handling a Whole House Clutter Makeover Like a Pro

house makeover

Tackling the whole house at once? Oh that can feel so overwhelming. Whether it’s a move you are excited for or one that is out of necessity, you don’t want to move the clutter with you. Today we talk about how to strategically get rid of what you don’t need to box up and move. If you aren’t moving but you have just had it with the clutter messing up every room? Well this one is for you too.

You don’t have to feel held hostage by your clutter one more day and you definitely don’t have to move it to your new place.

Choosing to Be Intentional About What Parts of Being A Mom We Choose to Embrace

Choosing to Be Intentional About What Parts of Being A Mom We Choose to Embrace

I made a promise to my daughter the day she was born.

As I gazed into my baby girl’s eyes for the very first time, I silently assured her:

I’m going to meet your every need.

In that sacred moment, it felt right to make such a vow. She was so tiny, and I was overwhelmed by a protective instinct so strong, I felt like a combination of Wonder Woman and the Incredible Hulk.

But if I could go back twenty-seven years and whisper a few words to my new mom self, here’s what I’d say:

No you won’t.

You won’t even come close.

Trying Hard

We went home from the hospital the day after Annemarie was born, and oh, how I tried to honor my promise: I’m going to meet your every need.

When she was bored, I tried to be Fun Mom.

When she was sad, I tried to be Nurturing Mom.

When she broke things, I tried to be Fix-It-Fast Mom.

When she couldn’t find things, I tried to be Organized Mom.

If she needed it, I tried hard to be it.

I did a wonderful job of meeting her every need.

But then she turned two days old, and everything went haywire.

Feeling Overwhelmed

The second day after we got home from the hospital, Annemarie was fussy. I fed her. I burped her. I changed her.

Nothing worked.

I tried singing to her, but that only seemed to make her cry harder.

Finally, exhausted, I handed her over to my mother, expecting (and secretly hoping) that there would be no change.

But the transformation was both instantaneous and dramatic.

Not only did Annemarie stop crying, but as her Nana began to sing, she started to smile.

“It’s just gas,” I said, stunned and a little hurt that my child had calmed right down with someone other than me.

Now, I would love to tell you that this was the moment I recognized that my promise I’m going to meet your every need was unrealistic, foolish, and impossible to fulfill.

Unfortunately, I took it as a challenge.

And I determined to try all the harder to be the one to meet my daughter’s every need.

For the next quarter-of-a-century, I muddled through motherhood, constantly overwhelmed by self-inflicted feelings of colossal failure.

Comparing Myself

Flash forward 25 years to Annemarie’s Bachelor of Fine Arts Solo Exhibition. She’s drawn large portraits of the twenty key people in her life, each one titled with a single word that defines their connection to her.

I quickly scan the gallery walls for my portrait so I can see what label she gave me. But before I can find mine, I see Aunt Karen’s:

Nurturer

It takes all my willpower not to run to the restroom and burst into tears.

I didn’t get Nurturer.

Which means I didn’t meet my daughter’s need for nurturing.

I tried, by golly, I tried.

But I didn’t even come close.

I’m just not made out of nurturing stuff.

I’m made out of …

I find my portrait and read my label.

… evidently, I’m made out of Writer stuff.

Whatever that even means.

Clearly, Aunt Karen succeeded where I failed.

Gaining Perspective

But what if that’s okay?

The unexpected thought crashes my pity party.

What if she didn’t need me to meet her every need?

I look at my daughter, laughing with guests who are here for her grand opening. She’s all grown up into someone I am so proud to know, let alone share genes with.

What if she just needed me to be me?

I look at the titles of the other portraits:

MentorPhilosopherListenerChallenger …

And suddenly, I am overwhelmed with gratitude toward Aunt Karen and and all the other people who have poured into to my daughter’s life, meeting needs that I never could.

The truth begins to settle into my heart:

She really didn’t need me to meet her every need.

Accepting the Truth

So if you’re a mom who feels like she’s constantly falling short? letting her kids down? never even coming close to meeting all their needs?

Lean in close, and let me whisper this truth to you:

That’s okay.

They don’t need you to meet their every need.

They just need you to be you.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Cheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.” Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and Overwhelmed.
Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.
Cheri blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at www.cherigregory.com.

 

 

 

Are You Always in a Hurry? Count the Cost of Yes

Are You Always in a Hurry? Count the Cost of Yes

“I’m overwhelmed. I just need a break!” I said to my counselor. Minutes later, I left her second story office and hurried the length of the deserted hallway. I glanced at my phone while descending the stairs. My phone was dead, but I knew it was close to 4:00. I had just enough time to get to school and pick up my kids before their practices ended at 4:30. As I took the next step, I missed the stair and tumbled forward. When I came to a stop, I heard a loud “pop.” The pain was unbearable.

Tears came fast and furious and I cried out for help.

No one heard me.

I tried to push myself up to stand, but my left foot refused to bear any weight.

I cried for help again, thinking there must be someone nearby.

Again, no one heard me.

I tried my phone a second time in vain. My husband was in New York on business. Picking up the kids wouldn’t wait. I gritted my teeth and pushed myself up from the base of the stairs. I could stand on my right foot, but my left was completely useless. With great pain, I hopped to the car, frequently banging my left foot against the pavement. I managed to get myself into the car and drive across town to the school, sobbing the entire way.

The “break” I needed

I’d love to tell you my injuries were minimal and I healed quickly, but that’s not what happened. Instead, I got the “break” I needed in the form of broken bones and multiple sprains in my foot and ankle, six months of pain, restrictions, physical therapy, and a complete overhaul of my demanding pace of life.

Before my fall, I was at a breaking-point. Maybe you’ve been there too.

I had taken on too many responsibilities – running a nonprofit, serving as team mom, leading a Bible study, making play costumes, and so much more. I spent the previous year moving at record speed. I like to keep busy, but I was over-committed, under-rested, and probably not the most pleasant person to be around.

We don’t have to live that way.

Count the cost of yes

What I learned through my ordeal was that I’m capable of only so much. I’m learning to live within my limits. That means I only commit to a certain number of activities, projects and responsibilities. When my plate is full, I must eliminate an item before adding another. I guard my time and energy or they’ll be swallowed up by my desire to say “yes” to more than I can sanely accomplish.

If I hadn’t been rushed and feeling overwhelmed, I’m sure I wouldn’t have missed that step. I likely wouldn’t have even been in counselor’s office that day. The cost of over-commitment was high.

One of the things I contemplated during my recovery was that Jesus never rushed. He moved at an intentional pace. His time of ministry on earth was very brief, only three years. If anyone had a reason to pick his pace and do more than humanly possible, it was Jesus. But, he didn’t.

I’m learning to follow his example.

Luke 14:28 reminds us to count the cost, “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?”

When we’re tempted to say “yes” and add one more thing to our busy schedules, pause and acknowledge that “yes” will cost us something. At the very least, it means we have to say “no” to other opportunities.

What will saying “yes” cost you? Will it cost your peace? Dilute your focus?

When we commit to pause and count the cost before taking on another thing, we are empowered to manage the opportunities that come our way. We focus on what we’re meant to do, the things most important to us. We walk in freedom, unhurried and confident.

What are you doing to follow Jesus’ example of walking out your life intentionally and unhurried? How have you learned to live within the limits of your time and energy?


cost of yesElizabeth M. Thompson is a writer and speaker. Prayer is her super-power and she loves helping women develop meaningful prayer lives. She and her husband have three children. They live, bike, kayak, and hike along the American River near Sacramento, CA. Stop by her website for a free download of “Jumpstart Your Stalled Prayer Life.”

Maximize Your Quiet Times By Minimizing

Maximize Your Quiet Times By Minimizing

maximize your quiet time

Do you ever look at your 1,000-page Bible and think, “Where do I even start?”

We know we’re supposed to study God’s Word, but it’s easy to get bogged down with all the different Bible study methods.  Should you do a verse-by-verse study, a character study or study inductively? You could read an Old Testament passage, New Testament passage and a Psalm a day, or there’s always the option to read a chapter of Proverbs everyday.

So many choices leave a girl feeling exhausted before you even crack open the book.

How to maximize your quiet time

I’ve discovered a simple way to de-clutter quiet time: read a chapter a day and pray.

When you maximize your quiet time by minimizing, here’s what happens:

  • your focus improves since you’re digesting smaller chunks of scripture
  • you retain what you read
  • you slow your tempo enough to enjoy God’s word

I was a bit skeptical of the read-a-chapter-a-day-and-pray idea. Do less, learn more? That’s just crazy talk!

But friends, this is exactly what is happening. I added a commentary reading to my quiet time, and would encourage you to do the same, because it’s helped open my eyes to the depth of God’s word.

Listen, if you watch reality TV, flip to the Old Testament instead. I’m reading the book of 1 Samuel and there is intrigue, scandal, suspense, love stories and even a heroine in one account (check out 1 Samuel 25). The reading is so good I’ve had to force myself to stop reading in order to stick to focusing on one chapter a day!

How simplicity leads to depth

When we simplify like this, it clears away the clutter of too many options … and the guilt of avoiding quiet time.  We can commit to spending time with God daily because we have a doable plan. Simplicity actually leads to depth.

So, here’s what I want you to do:

– Pick one book of the Bible you’d like to read and commit to making it through that one book by reading one chapter a day.
– After you read, spend time talking to God in prayer and listening.
– As you read, consider these questions:

  • What do I learn about God, Jesus or the Holy Spirit through this chapter?
  • What is the major theme or takeaway from this chapter?
  • How does this chapter contribute to the overall teaching of this book of the Bible?
  • What is God trying to teach me through this chapter?

You can do this!

Maximize by minimizing, and you’ll consistently spend time with God.


Kate Hollimon delights in helping women learn their God-given purpose while growing in Christ through the study of scripture. Kate is a speaker and blogger who designed the Live Your Purpose Workshop Live Your Purpose Workshop to help women discover their purpose to glorify God. Kate is married to her husband Matthew of seven years and together they have two kiddos, a boy and a girl, and are in the thick of sippy cups, potty training, temper tantrums and peanut butter and jellies.  You can connect with Kate at www.katehollimon.com.

Get Exclusive Content from the Newsletter

Newsletter subscribers get the latest news, offers and freebies delivered 1-4 times per month. 

You have Successfully Subscribed!