So in yesterday’s post, provokingly titled Let Me Tell You Why I Unfriended You On Facebook I talked about the need to filter some of the people in your life if you’re struggling in areas.
While the reaction on Facebook was overwhelmingly positive, enough issues were raised that I would love the chance to clear things up.
- I didn’t unfriend you on Facebook, I promise. I didn’t. I’ve unfriended exactly two people in my life, and they both were for extreme kinds of things that I promise you you’ve never done. They both know that I unfriended them, and they both know why. I did, about 18 months ago, merge my Facebook Profile with my Facebook Page. I was getting close to maxing out on the number of friends I could have, and so I merged to a Page that has an unlimited number of followers. That killed my personal profile and i had to start all over friend-wise. Over the past 18 months, if you are someone I know in person and I’ve seen you on a friend’s feed and you’ve said yes to my friend request, or you’ve sent me a friend request, we are friends on my Facebook profile. Or you may be a follower on my page. Either way, I get to hear what you want to say, and try to respond as much as I can. That blog post was in no way telling a former friend here is why I’ve unliked you – because I haven’t. (I HAVE hidden a couple of people’s Facebook streams because of what I’ve talked about in yesterday’s post, or because of extreme religious and political views – but I usually unhide most people once elections are over.)
- I wasn’t saying you should only post negative stuff. Somehow, that is how it got interpreted by a few people. I was asking for a little balance and reality. I love to celebrate your child’s good grade and your dog passing obedience school. As I said in the post – I also love when you, with humor and grace, share about a bad hair day.
- My main objective was to help women feel permission to not have to read every status update. Facebook is a tricky place and by the number of Facebook comments I got yesterday, I can tell this is an issue for a lot of women. Some people said that they only want to be positive and post good stuff. That’s fine. I’m just saying, if you are doing more than posting encouraging updates, if you’re bragging on a day to day basis, I may hide your posts. You have the right to post what you want. I have the right to read what I need.
If yesterday’s post caused you to rethink a post today, I’m glad. If it gave you permission to hide, even for a day or two, somebody’s post that was dragging you down, I’m really glad. If you felt that I was trying to hurt a former Facebook friend, I am truly sorry. I promise you that was not my intention.
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I love that you put a voice to what so many people actually think. you do it often with a lot of different things in different venues and i LOVE IT!
Thanks Amanda – and I wish I were sitting next to you listening to Brene Brown. Kudos to whomever booked her!
I’ve been tempted to hide someone whose posts tempt me to feel “less than” because I don’t juice veggies for my kids, post pretty scripture posters and am not able to keep up with doing a fabulous job at being a mom, writer, speaker, wife, Christian, blogger, homeschooler and everythingelser all at the same time. But I’m not hiding her. I’m taking it as a test: am I secure enough that I can read her posts and still know that I am fully loved by God just the way I am? Furthermore, what insecurities may lurk in that person’s heart that she may feel the need to keep her best foot perpetually forward on FB so that others think she is way more together than she actually is? And I’m quite sure we never see her tendency to crash and burn over and over as a result of living a lifestyle of having to be and do it all.
And still so very thankful to have you around, and writing publicly. Well done.
You didn’t have to apologize. Humor and grace is what we all needed here. Your authenticity is showing and girl we love it! I did delete some individuals this morning because they really aren’t a part of my life in a way that’s real (beyond Facebook, like cups of coffee and phone calls REAL) and I unchecked reading some statuses on my individual feed which allows me to remain friends with them while not having to see every little post. God bless you woman 🙂
Hi, Kathi. I read a few of the comments yesterday, but had to stop! My blood pressure was going up, for sure. I, for one, totally got the point of your post.
Sometimes I’d rather not see some of the FB posts that I do, but sometimes it’s necessary. So, thanks for reminding me that I always have a choice in what
I read, that it’s okay to skip any that don’t appeal to me. I have only unfriended a couple of people because of, like you said, for “extreme kinds of things,” And they knew why. I had no idea you could “hide” comments, so that was great
info. Believe me, I will use that option soon! Thanks for your honesty, Kathi.
I love your writing and your blog.
There are some posts that drag me down, but they’re unfortunately necessary to read, for a couple of reasons. These are posts from certain human- and animal-welfare groups, that detail abuses.
I’ve got to read them because my wife and I run a sanctuary for abused and abandoned dogs – our latest, Bella, we rescued from a ditch in which she was drowning. She had been hit by a car, and was paralyzed. She’s recovering, and may yet walk again. It’s not an easy life, and knowing just how cruel the world can be is a spur for my best efforts.
I wish it were otherwise, and I was only driven by my innate goodness! But there are mornings that I would prefer to wake quietly with a cup of coffee and a croissant, rather than get banged out of bed by “I have to potty, NOW, and so does everyone else!!” Knowing just what would have faced these guys breeds compassion and patience.
Also – I’m a writer, and I try to write for the good. To do that you’ve got to see the evil, wherever it is – and not be consumed by it. The knowledge of the depravity of which man is capable has to be sublimated through the crucible of language and thought to glorify the Almighty. Can’t understand light without shadow.
Both Edmund Burke and Albert Einstein spoke to this –
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing” – Edmund Burke
“The world is a dangerous place to live in not because of the people that do evil, but because of the people that sit by and let it happen.” – Albert Einstein
I suppose I like the sunshine posts from family and friends because a part of me has to live facing the frontier of the unspeakable. I work with animals because in my previous life as a security contractor I learned to hate the waste of life, and that even the smallest, most damaged life can make a difference.
http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/
Kathi, I loved your post yesterday and this one today. We all should be more honest in what we put on Facebook or simply not post at all (something I’ve been doing more of except when it comes to promoting my books). Know that you rock my world with your writing, and I’m blessed to know you!