Why I Didn’t Feel Close to One of My Kids… And What I Did About It

by kathilipp | Sep 30, 2012 | 21 Ways to Connect With Your Kids, Uncategorized | 2 comments

I know – it’s the worst thing a mom can admit (well that and admitting that sitting through hours of sporting events really isn’t that fun…) but there have been times in my parenting that I didn’t feel close to one of my kids.

Justen is a bright, smart, funny kid who loves history and can remember license plate numbers from over a dozen years ago. I could not love him any more if I tried.

But when it comes to natural compatibility, we are opposites – and not in a fun way. He has a much easier, more natural relationship with his dad, my ex-husband. They like to watch sports, enjoy the same kind of movies, and feel really comfortable being together.

Justen even really clicks with my husband, Roger, his stepdad.

Yep – nothing makes you feel like more of a doofus than realizing everyone has more in common with your kid than you do.

So I’ve had to spend the last few years working really hard at connecting with Justen – with mixed results – granted – but it’s so much better than it was a year ago.

Here’s what I did:

I Paid Attention. When Justen mentions something on Facebook and I have no idea what it is, I Google it so that I have a peek into his world. I also try to pass along things that I think will make him laugh. Recently I saw this posted on a friend’s wall and shared it with him and the rest of the Trekkies in the family. I may not watch the show, but I’m learning some of the inside jokes. (If you are not a Trekkie, have one explain this to you…)
I Prayed. It’s hard for me to remember this one truth: the best thing I can do for my child, whether we are “clicking” or not is to pray for him. I pray for Justen (and all of our other kids) every single day. It has not always been this way, and I tend to kick myself for it. But I remember that great saying, “When is the best time to have planted an oak tree? Fifty years ago. When is the second best time to plant an oak tree? Today.”
I Talked with Other Parents. Turns out, each and every mom I’ve spoken with will, when pressed, admit that one of their kids is easier to connect with than the others. And that is OK! It doesn’t mean that we love them any less, it just means we have to work a little harder for those connections.

If you’re looking for new and easy ways to connect with your kids, whatever their age, stage or personality, check out my new book 21 Ways to Connect with Your Kids co-written with author Cheri Gregory on sale for only $9.99.

And, while I am announcing new things… I’ve just opened up my new online store. Come on over and take a look, I think you will like it! To say “thank you” for dropping by, I’m offering free shipping on all orders $15 or more.I’ll even sign it for you if you’d like. Come on over to my online store today. (Sale and free shipping on through Friday.)

How to be Married to a Super Awesome (!!!) Expressive Like Me

by kathilipp | Sep 25, 2012 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

How to be Married to a Super Awesome (!!!) Expressive Like Me

by Kathi Lipp

(Check out our guide to finding out your personality type !)

When figuring out which of the four personality types (analytic, driver, amiable, expressive) you are, most of the time you will be a combination of two or three. You can’t pigeon hole people. But pigeon – here is your hole: I am almost 100% Expressive.

Expressive woman with megaphone And while I’m fun to have a parties, I can be somewhat of a challenge to live with.

I am the person who (after watching one half episode of something on HGTV) will take off and go buy all the paint to redecorate our bedroom, start the project, but then grow tired of it (butterfly!) and leave our room half painted for six months.

I’m all about people, not facts. So I’ll throw you an extravagant party to cheer you up after you break up with your boyfriend, without really checking to make sure we have the money in our account to buy so much at the party store.

Since being married to Roger (a self-admitted analytic), I’ve brought a huge dose of fun and excitement into his life. But there are some days when I know that he longs for the days of yore: sitting in his blue Lazy Boy chair and watching something with the word “Star” in it: Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica.

If You’re Married to an Expressive – Hints and Tips (by Kathi…)

Being Around Other People

I get pumped when I’m around other people that I find challenging, interesting and exciting. Roger, not so much. So we are fine if I go to an occasional event by myself. Let your expressive go out with friends. He will be the happier for it.

Doing vs. Chatting

Recently, I was at a business dinner and brought my computer so we could get some work done. (Trying to be on-task. Very against my nature…) The guy in our group was an Extreme Expressive. I never cracked the computer. He wanted to relate and our group was the better for it.

Starting

I love to start a project. I’m not so great at finishing. If you’re married to an Expressive, don’t kill the buzz, but help them manage it. Instead of agreeing to buying all 18 years of scrapbooks for your firstborn, encourage your Expressive to buy them one year at a time. (And she’ll probably lose interest in the first six weeks, anyway.)

Are you married to an Expressive? Are you an Expressive? Tell me what above fits your marriage, and how you’re different.

Who Knows Where You Are?

by kathilipp | Sep 16, 2012 | Uncategorized | 7 comments

Roger and I were sitting around the dinner table with our next door neighbor, a recently retired teacher who has a fondness for cats and is happy to babysit our kitten while we travel. We, in exchange, make sure she has plants that are watered on a regular basis.

She is what we would call, “Low-tech”. Yes, she has a computer, but when it comes to things like Facebook, she has no need for them.

She was a little freaked out about understanding all the privacy settings and having people know where she is and what she is doing.

And I just thought to myself, “Oh you older people with your irrational paranoia… Yes, we have no privacy anymore, but that’s just the age we live in – it’s not like anyone is trying to find me…”

Not an hour later, I read this article about a disgruntled author tracking down an agent in MY HOME TOWN, at her kid’s school, and attacking her with a baseball bat.

You can be sure I’m going to double check my privacy settings – for sure.

This is not to freak anyone out, but to be a reminder to check those settings.

Tell me in the comments below how you stay safe online. We all need the reminder.

How to be Married to an Analytic by Roger Lipp

by kathilipp | Sep 11, 2012 | Relationships | 10 comments

How to be Married to an Analytic

by Roger Lipp

(Check out our guide to finding out your personality type !)

For those of you who have met Kathi, it will not be much of a surprise when I tell you that she is an “expressive”.

Of the four personality types (analytic, driver, amiable, expressive) it is really obvious that she is an expressive. (You could pick that out without even diving into the details of what it really means to be an expressive. The name alone kinda gives her away…) And for those of you who have met me, you will with equal certainty be able to discern that I am not an expressive. Not even close. In fact, I am the complete and absolute opposite (remember, they do say that opposites attract). I am an analytic.

Let me digress with a word of caution: personality types are not etched in stone. Our entire personality and life journey cannot be reduced to a single word. Even though I am an analytic, I am able to express myself. And my wife is pretty good at math… especially when it comes to sales at Macy’s, but that’s a story for another time. So before I go any further, please promise me you won’t pigeon hole people… especially your spouse!

For those of you lucky enough to be married to an analytic, I have a few words of advice that may make the journey go a bit smoother.

First, take some time to understand some of the keys to their thinking. Unless you are also an analytic, your spouse probably thinks very differently than you do. In the world view of an analytic, facts and accuracy are more important than feelings and perceptions.

Kathi and I were sitting down at dinner to discuss this article. She made a statement about that she sees me more as an “amiable” than as an “analytic”. As soon as she said that my brain started objecting. I know the characteristics. I know the criteria. I’ve taken numerous tests, they have all pointed to the same conclusion. I am an analytic. And of course because I’m an analytic, I needed to set the record straight.

I interrupted Kathi (wisdom is obviously not high on my list of qualities) and let her know that she was mistaken: I am an analytic.

At this point, you can see that the stage is set. The players are all in place. The plot has been developed. We can all imagine what could happen next. Rebuke. Response. Retaliate. Repeat. We’ve all been there.

Fortunately, Kathi has learned a few things about my personality that helps keep this from spiraling out of control. She has learned that facts and accuracy are important to me. So she acknowledges the fact that I am in fact an analytic, and then goes on to explain why she sees me more as an “amiable”.(I try to keep the peace in family situations, I like to just “hang” with people – I don’t necessarily need to be getting things done while we’re hanging out. All traits of the “Amiable” personality – which I also have some of.)

Just that simple acknowledgement of the facts was enough to satisfy my internal need for accuracy. With that need satisfied I was able to engage in the rest of the conversation and learned that what she was really saying is: you’re a great guy and I love you. A point that I really appreciate letting sink in every now and then. Glad I didn’t miss it.

Roger