Tonya Kubo is back and on today’s podcast she and Kathi continue the conversation on the differences between clutter and hoarding. Drawing from personal experiences they share practical tips for what to do if you or a loved one struggle with hoarding.
In this episode you will learn:
- why the mess is not always the actual problem when it comes to hoarding
- when it might be time to seek professional help
- what resources are available to help
Find out more about Aftermath Cleanup Services
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Special thanks to Tonya for joining me again this week!
Meet Our Guest
Tonya Kubo
Tonya Kubo is the illustrious, fearless leader of Kathi Lipp’s Clutter-Free Academy Facebook group.A speaker and writer, Tonya makes her home in the heart of California with her husband, Brian, their two spirited daughters and one very tolerant cat. Visit her at www.GreatMoms.org.
Kathi and Tonya these podcasts are so incredibly healing and helpful. Thank you so much for sharing- love your heart for this issue. Wow I respect how hard you girls have worked to overcome the abuse hoarding has caused. I am amazed at how you have turned this pain into a ministry- that takes Christ like resilince/forgiveness. Thank you Kathi for your point on compassion and for Tonya your points about setting boundaries. Thank you so much. God bless you and this ministry. You girls rock!
Thank you both for your transaparency on the two hoarder episodes. The perspective on how “cleaning up” a hoarders stuff was valuable. I cried during both episodes and again really appreciate your vulnerability in sharing your stories.
Thank you for these hoarding podcasts. I’ve been beginning to think I’m becoming a hoarder but these two episodes have helped me to realize I have a BIG problem with clutter but I am not a hoarder. That is a huge relief to me. Now I’m going to find Clutter Free at a library so I can read it again. (See, I’m trying not to bring anymore books into my home, for now. I’ll probably buy it the next time my husband gets paid, though.)
Thank you so very much for sharing the deep pain hoarding caused you. I identify with the shame also because my late husband was a church officer and I hid/hide the depth of the pain from others at church and the children to respect him and not harm his reputation. We went to counseling for over a year, but he would not do anything the counselor suggested. Finally the counselor refused to see us as a couple, but would talk with me; the counselor said that my husband was also passive aggressive. Living with him was the hardest thing I have ever done. Am still asking the Lord to help me forgive completely and realize that my husband’s sin as well as my own is nailed to the cross. I am so grateful for your ministry!
Kathi,
This was such a helpful episode for me! I don’t have a hoarder in my family, but I do have an alcoholic. There are a remarkable number of parallels in what you said. I shouldn’t say “remarkable” b/c mental illness and addiction are so closely related, but I really didn’t expect to hear anything that would help, and I did. Thank you both.
For me the boundaries are: if you are going to speak disrespectfully to me, I will leave or put the phone down; if you are starting to be disrespectful to me in my home, my brother will drive you home (after all the children go to another part of the house). There are others, but those are the ones that have been life-giving to me.
I’m grateful that I have 2 other siblings so we can “tap out” when it’s time for each of us to step-back and there is someone else there to help, and help our mother. We also have been successful in getting Mom to disengage, sometimes.
I hate that our relationship has come to this, and I have a hard time feeling like I’m expressing love to her in this (especially when she tells me I’m not). We’ve never been close, and I’ve had to come to terms that we won’t be–this side of Heaven. That said, I’m crying as I write this!
Thank you both for being so open, and sharing your feelings and relationships with all of us. It has really helped me.
Paige – I’m so sorry for what you are going through – but you’re right, setting boundaries is the most loving thing you can do (even when it doesn’t feel like it.)
Paige – I echo what Kathi says…thank you for sharing your sory with us as well. It’s unfortunate and it hurts when others don’t feel the love we are displaying, but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t being loving. I’ll be praying for your situation and for your heart in this matter.
This is by far my favorite episode!! My dad became a hoarder late in his life after my parents divorced. Now I see symptoms in my sister and other family members.
I can’t tell you how hard it was to get rid of and deal with all of his stuff after he passsed. He owned multiple houses with things in it! I wish I had this episode to listen to when our family was dealing with his death.
Keep doing what you’re doing.
I heard about you through my mops group. Since then I’ve read your books and listen to your podcasts. You have helped me tremendously!!!
Especially in dealing with my children’s items as they’ve grown older.
Thank you!!!
Debbie – Thank you so much for listening and for sharing your story. We appreciate you!