5 Ways to Tell Your Hubby You Love Him without All the Words by Paula Tobey
Have you ever been in a rut in your marriage where you find it tough to ‘talk’? Maybe you argue or you’re just not connecting as well as usual. Maybe you find yourself not in the same place of love like you were a few years back. Whatever it is, friend, I am here to tell you it is okay. There is always something you can do to help get out of that rut, and it starts by doing one small thing at a time.
Today, I will share with you five ideas of things that you can do to show your hubby you love him without all those words, because let’s face it, he probably doesn’t want to hear them anyway.
Marital connectedness is so important in a family. It helps the kids in many ways to feel secure, not to mention setting a positive example for them as they grow and enter into their own relationships. Parents have a responsibility to model for their kids behaviors and attitudes that help establish positive development. One of the best things we can do for our children is teach them love and respect. There are lots of ways you can teach this without preaching or teaching with words. Your behavior and actions will show them better than any words can how you feel, so go ahead, win him over without words teaching your kids how to show love and respect for your husband!
Dressed to Impress – Complimenting your Hottie on how good he looks in his dress shirt. This is one thing that I have not been very good at, but it means so much to my husband when I tell him that I like how he looks. Words of Affirmation go a long way for some, but even saying that you like how soft his shirt is, can be just the kind of compliment he needs to hear. After I have said a statement like ‘I like how soft that shirt is, it looks great’ I will undoubtedly receive a text a little while later thanking me. Take it from me, you hubby likes to know you are still attracted to him after all these years.
Get Your Own Box – Cheeze It’s are one of my husband’s favorite snacks. I cannot eat them because I’m gluten free, so I tend to buy things for the family that we can all eat. However, my husband told me about a year ago that he really loves it when I buy those for him because he knows that I went out of my way to get him something that I would not normally buy. It is not something that I will get often, and as a matter of fact, I save those for things like an Easter Basket gift, but when I do get them, his face lights up like a kid getting candy! For that reason alone, I will make sure he gets his own box!
Precious Post It Note’s – When I go out of town for a few days, I like to leave my husband (and daughters) little notes to tell them that I love them. When we were getting ready to move a few months back, I was cleaning out my husband’s medicine cabinet in the master bath, and I found a piece of paper taped to the inside of the mirror with all kinds of post it notes I had left him over the years. It made me smile to see that not only had he kept them, but that he wanted to be reminded often how much I love him. Because I smiled, I am pretty sure he does too. I did not quite realize just how much those little precious notes were to him until then. J
Shopping Cart Surprise – Once I was on Amazon, and I noticed that my husband put an item in the Wish List. It was just a book, and it was not expensive, but I went ahead and ordered it for him. To his surprise, the exact book he had been looking at mysteriously showed up! It was cute when he asked if I had ordered it for him, and I just gave a little grin like ‘I don’t know what you are talking about – who me?’ He then gave me a nice big hug and kiss. It was fun. Sometimes it is the little things that add up to make the big things not so big!
Good To The Last Drop – Every morning my husband is up before me. He does not need as much sleep as I do, and he enjoys his quiet time to read the paper and drink his coffee in the mornings. One work day this last week, he was actually still in bed, and I was awake, so I got up and made him some coffee. I wanted to be sure he had some because I figured he must have been pretty tired to still be in bed. When he came out and I had the coffee out for him, he was so surprised, he asked me who I was. J It was very unusual, but I do know that if I continue to do little things like that, he will be happy to drink every last drop!
Paula Tobey is founder of PheMOMenal Life Ministries a community for women to go get encouraged and equipped to be the best mom’s they can be to their children by living a healthy balanced life and by becoming all that God created them to be. For more information go check out her website here www.PheMOMenalLife.com
If you have been looking for something new to try, watch, or read, I’d like to recommend these:
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt- It’s a new program from Tina Fey. Hilarious (I may have already binge-watched the entire series.) If you need a great diversion, (or say, if you need a reward for cleaning out a closet… for instance…) this is fun, mostly clean, and smart. Love it.
If you are at all interested in social justice and food justice, this is a fascinating read. A couple of school teachers attempt to live on a dollar a day each for a month. The lengths that they went to in order to stick to the budget, while demonstrating what many families wake up to as an everyday reality, will be inspiring and eye opening (while realistic. They do have a major fight about who is going to go grocery shopping and the division of labor in the kitchen.) I’ve read it a few times.
Friends, I want to introduce you to one of my interns, Paula Tobey. She is an intern, but that’s so misleading, since she has a full-on grown up ministry of her own. (See her links at the bottom of this article.)
“How do I get my child to clean up his room?” is one of the most common questions I get when discussing Clutter Free or my organizing book The Get Yourself Organized Project.
If you want a non-nagging way to help your kids clean up – read on…How to Get Your Kids to Clean Up Their Rooms
How to Get Your Kids to Clean Up Their Rooms
Do you struggle with kids who don’t seem to understand how to throw dirty clothes in a hamper that lies only feet beyond the spot they took off their stinky socks? Do you also battle with not enough time to get your house cleaned (which, let’s be honest, includes picking up your children’s rooms too, making dinner, and feeding all the pets)?
Could you benefit from a few tips that not only will help save you time, but effort in not picking up so much after others? Well, I have some great news for you, my friend, there IS a way!
I read an article a mom wrote into a parenting magazine discussing how she got her eleven year old son to help clean their house for his upcoming birthday party. She found a system that encouraged him to get the job done. Usually it was always a fight to get him to help clean. Maybe you can identify with this. He would never help, complained, and ultimately made the job harder. But this time, she decided to do something different and used a system someone taught her.
In her words, “I told him we were going to spend 15 minutes at a time in each room, and when the timer went off, we would switch rooms. I also told him that every 4th 15 minute segment, we could do whatever we wanted (Video games for him). I let him pick which room to do next, and told him that if he did this with me, he could pick anywhere to go for lunch.”
Her next part really moved me: “From 8am-11am, he worked his little heart out for 45 minutes out of every hour with me. He even brought tears to my eyes when he reminded me that I needed to come back to the room we were working on as I had gotten distracted in the kitchen for a minute. We had such a pleasant day and a nice lunch at his favorite restaurant.”
How valuable was this one tip to her? She says it “saved the relationship that I have with my son. It is his eleventh birthday today, and I have never felt closer to him!” This mom realized that cleaning up her son’s room was the goal but building their relationship in the process was the bigger win!
Using our time wisely seems to be a big challenge with parents and their children. Often we are so rushed to get things done that we don’t take the time to properly plan out what it is we are going to do. Then when it does not go as well as we thought it would, (and let’s be real- often life with kids does not go according to plan J ) we can feel defeated. There are many tools available to parents to help them manage their time and their children’s time. If you invest time planning before asking your child to help with something, it will pay off in many ways.
What my experience has taught me is sharpening my tools requires change. We need to change and grow to be better moms and dads for our kids, because that’s what they need. And if that means investing in ourselves to help change our family’s legacy, isn’t that a worthy investment?
Paula Tobey is a Parenting Coach for families needing extra support getting their families healthier in a Physical, Emotional, Educational, Financial or Spiritual way. She works with family’s one on one and in groups to help them become stronger, happier and healthier. Her website is www.PheMOMenalLife.com and she can also be found at www.ParentingSpecialChildren.com.
Do you sometimes feel like the woman in the story did? Wouldn’t it be great if you had a tangible resource and system to help get your home cleaned up that in turn, saves you time by teaching the system to your kids? Well, the “Get Yourself Organized Project” may be just one of those tools to help you do that. In this book you will get easy and effective ways to restore peace to your everyday life by adding simple and manageable long-term solutions for organizing any room in your home (and keeping it that way). It also has a realistic way to de-stress a busy schedule and has strategies for efficient shopping, meal preparation, cleaning, and more.
I’ve been in a book reading slump. Between working on my own book, (101 Simple Ways to Show Your Husband You Love Him) and some other projects I am working on, reading felt like an unobtainable luxury. But then I discovered something…
I’m a grump when I don’t read.
As in – I’m not very nice to be around. Which, if one of my goals is to have a great marriage, then I’m missing the mark.
I know that many of you read this years ago when it first came out, but sometimes I’m slow to the doing what the cool kids are doing.
If you are half the fan of Jane Austin’s Pride and Prejudice that I am – this is a must read. What a rare treat – to get to extend the life of your favorite characters and see what they would do under different circumstances. James is such an excellent mystery writer that my friend Sue, who had no interest in the love story of P&P (Yep. I’m wondering how we could be friends as well…) absolutely loved the mystery aspect of the book and the characters.
Here is the endorsement I did for the book when it first was published, “As a graduate of the Speak-First-Think-Later-School of Communication, I can relate to every word written in Keep It Shut. But instead of telling me to go into a corner and just stop talking, Karen comes alongside and shows us how we can powerfully use our works for God and others’ good.” The first time I read it, it was to see if I could recommend it to others, and this week, I reread it so that I could use a highlighter. If you’ve lived with the regret of words that have hurt, stop the pattern now and get this book. Loved it. (And it proves that there is hope for us talkers and the ones that we love.)
About the book: Connectional Intelligence unlocks the 21st-century secret to getting “big things done,” regardless of who you are, where you live, or what you do. We typically associate success and leadership with smarts, passion and luck. But in today’s hypercompetitive world, even those gifts aren’t enough. Get Big Things Done argues that the game changer is a thoroughly modern skill called Connectional Intelligence. Virtually anyone can maximize his or her potential, and achieve breakthrough performance, by developing this crucial ability.
So, what is it? Put simply, Connectional Intelligence is the ability to combine knowledge, ambition and human capital, forging connections on a global scale that create unprecedented value and meaning. Can a small-town pumpkin grower affect the global food crisis? A Fortune 500 executive change her company’s outdated culture through video storytelling? A hip-hop artist launch an international happiness movement? Or a scientist use virtual reality games to lower pain for burn victims? The answer, you’ll read, is a resounding yes. Each of these individuals is using Connectional Intelligence to become a power player to get big things done.
Erica Dhawan and Saj-nicole Joni’s Get Big Things Done unlocks the secrets of how the world’s movers and shakers use Connectional Intelligence to achieve their personal and professional goals–no matter how ambitious.
Focusing on nine different rooms (including her own recently purchased Manhattan apartment), Lara Spencer shows readers that all it takes is planning, shopping know-how, and a little imagination to create beautiful and comfortable homes that reflect their personal style. She takes readers through the step-by-step process of overcoming the challenges of the room, offering helpful tips and lessons along the way. She identifies the design dilemma; comes up with a decorating plan; makes a mood board for inspiration; compiles a shopping list; scours flea markets for furniture and accessories that fit the bill; restores, repurposes, and reinvents the pieces she finds, giving them new life; and brings all the elements together in the gorgeous, finished space. With illuminating before, during, and after photographs of her DIY projects and the room installations, Lara demystifies the decorating process and allows readers to envision endless possibilities for what they can do in their own homes.
Stay tuned for next week’s post where I give my thoughts on these two books and tell you what I plan to read next!
Before I knew it, these two words had flown from my mouth and the reason was simple: it had been one of those mornings. You know the kind. The type of morning where the kids overslept, fights over the bathroom ensued, and the packing of lunches had yet to take place. It was the kind of morning where the dog had peed (all over), where the toilet clogged, and my attempts at breakfast had indeed, gone up in flames.
And it wasn’t even 7:30 yet.
So I quit. I gave up. I shouted to the whole house: to the kids, the dog, and anything within earshot, that I was done. In retirement. On sabbatical. Officially F-I-N-I-S-H-E-D with motherhood.
And it felt good (for a minute). Freeing even. That is until I saw my kids. The look upon their faces let me know how wrong I’d been…and how hurtful my little public act of defiance really was. Worse of all? This Christian mama wasn’t showing them Jesus. Not one bit. I wasn’t emoting the kind of unconditional love I consistently receive (like, on a daily basis). Rather, my frustration—my weariness—was taking over.
Isn’t this what happens so much of the time though? You and me? Sometimes we don’t always exude the love of Christ. Not to our kids, our spouses, our loved ones or our friends. I struggle with that…with my imperfections…with knowing that due to my actions, the people I love the most don’t always see Jesus in (and through) me. That I am in fact, human…flawed.
But you know what, friend? Motherhood is hard. However, Jesus is there for us in the middle of our trials. He’s there for it all and through it all.
So on those days where life takes over, where tempers flare, and kids are unruly, instead of giving up or breaking down, do one (or all) of the following:
Pray: Open that Bible. Read what God has to say. A little bit of quiet time goes a long way on those difficult days and in those hard moments. Ask for strength…for help.
Give Grace: You’re not perfect. No one is. Give yourself some grace during those times when nothing seems to be going right. Jesus already has.
Surrender. The journey of motherhood isn’t easy but our greatest blessings often come with difficult challenges. Friend, your best is all anyone can ask for. Surrender the frustration(s). Breathe. Rest. Give it to God.
After many failed attempts at following God’s cues, Jenny Lee Sulpizio has but one goal in mind these days: encouraging women to set their sights on God, and away from the worldly mayhem distracting them. As a Christian mom, wife, author, and contributing blogger to numerous online sites, Jenny looks to inspire her readers to a state of action and a place of peace.
She resides in Arizona with her husband and three children. Connect with Jenny online at www.jennyleesulpizio.com where you’ll find her blog, Grace for the Journey.
“I wonder if I can take you out to coffee and pick your brain about writing.”
I get this request at least once a week. (Now I’m thinking if I saved them all up, I could get coffee for free for a month… Picture me twirling the end of my villain mustache with one hand and holding a venti latte with the other.)
I normally turn these requests down. Everything you need to know about writing a book can be found online. Then you need to join a writers group and then go to a conference. I don’t know any other shortcuts. Really. But this was a sister of a dear friend, so of course I said yes.
“I’m writing a book, and I’m just so frustrated with the publishing industry.”
And as she told me all the problems she was having with the book, I asked questions and suggested solutions:
“Why not hire an editor to go over your manuscript?” I asked.
“It’s not ready for anyone else to see!” She shot back.
“You’ve been working on this book for four years. Maybe it’s time to set it aside for a month. Go play with your kids! Get away for a day to Monterey with your husband! Do some normal life!”
“I can’t. Not until this book is sold.”
This woman was not stuck in circumstances. She was stuck in a prison of her own thoughts.
Over the past several weeks, I’ve run into some pretty miserable people. They can’t change their lives, their families are not doing what they want. They keep trying harder and harder, but nothing ever gets better.
At first, I feel sympathy. I get it. It’s so hard to be stuck in a situations that you don’t have a lot of control over. A job loss, a kid crisis, a relationship issue – these are all scary thing that can shut us down for a time.
But circumstances eventually change. Where most of us are stuck is in our own dangerous, limited thinking.
“If I want something done right, I’m gonna have to do it myself.”
Replace it with… “It is not all up to me. I can trust other people with their jobs, and I’ll do the best to my ability.”
“If I can’t do it right, I won’t do it at all.”
Replace it with… “Perfect is for people who never get anything done. I’d rather do it 90% right than not at all.”
“I don’t do angry.”
Replace it with… “It’s okay to get angry when things upset me or when some kind of injustice has been done. I can be angry and not act wrongly on that anger. Expressing my anger in a calm manner can help me not to become too stressed.”
“No fun until my work is done.”
Replace it with… “It’s okay to take breaks when I’m working. Sometimes I need a break to clear my mind and refresh myself. Then the job will be done even better when I get back to it.”
“I’ll rest when I am dead.”
Replace it with… “If I don’t get proper rest, I might be dead sooner than I think. I can’t accomplish everything I want to in one day, and I certainly can’t accomplish it without rest.”
“I am what I do.”
Replace it with… “I am not defined by my career and areas of service. I am a person with emotions and thoughts and desires, and it’s okay to be me.”
“I can’t throw it away; I might need it someday.”
Replace it with… “It’s okay to let go of things that I’m not using, especially if they are taking up valuable space in my home. It’s okay to get rid of relationships that aren’t beneficial to me because I am worth more than that and something better will come along.”
“I work better under pressure.”
Replace it with… “I can work better when I start a project early and give myself plenty of time to work out the kinks and get it right.”
“I got myself into this mess, so I have to get myself out.”
Replace it with… “It’s okay to admit that I need help. I am not Superwoman, and I don’t have to know the answers to everything. I will take a deep breath and reach out to someone who can help.”
“No is a dirty word.”
Replace it with… “It’s okay to say no. I can’t do everything. Healthy boundaries will make me a healthier person.”
Which of these lies do you struggle with the most?
Want more tools for replacing faulty thinking with truth?
The first-ever West Coast Christian Writers Conference starts Friday in Fremont, California, where I am the keynote speaker!
Whether you’re writing fiction or non-fiction, the place where your experience intersects with fearless storytelling is where you and the reader finally connect. Join me on an inspirational journey to fearlessly put the writer’s heart on the reader’s page.
Walk-in registrants are welcome. The walk-in fee is $149, and you can either bring your own (Saturday) lunch or grab a bite at a nearby restaurant.