How to Build Up Your Man’s Confidence

How to Build Up Your Man’s Confidence

husband's confidence

A man’s confidence is the key to his entire world. And he gets most of his sense of confidence through two places: his work and his wife.

It’s a big responsibility (especially if his work life isn’t all that fantastic) but one that we are called to as his wife.

Proverbs 31:26
She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

When God calls us to something, He also equips us with the ability to follow through. So before you start the internal tape of all the reasons why building up his confidence isn’t really your “job,” let’s talk about what happens when we don’t.

Proverbs 14:1
The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

OK, so now that we have that out of the way, let’s work together to come up with SIMPLE ways to build up your man.

5 simple ways to build your husband’s confidence:

  1. Verbally tell him why you love him — he works hard, he plays with the kids, he has the best butt, he treats your mom like a queen, etc. SO TELL HIM!
  2. Kiss him every single time you are parting ways and every time you come back together.
  3. Pray for him every day (check out my Pinterest board for suggestions on how to pray for him).
  4. Grab his hand when you are walking through Lowe’s. Place your hand on his leg next time you are out to dinner. Physical touch is a big deal to our guys and not just when it’s in the bedroom.
  5. Brag on him in front of others! This one is a huge deal. We know a couple that is very sarcastic with each other. But the wife recently confessed that sometimes her sarcasm comes out more like a complaint or putting her man down than just a funny jest (and usually it’s intentional). She has committed to bragging on him rather than putting him down in public, even if they are having a good verbal sarcasm session among friends.

For ideas on how to brag on your man and build your husband up, I have included a download you can use to help build your man’s confidence every single day.


hottie-300It’s GIVEAWAY time!!!

I want to give away a My Husband is a Hottie T-Shirt to two people! To win, visit my Facebook page, like it and then comment on the post at the top of my page with the question:

What’s one way you have found you are able to build your husband’s confidence?

Then, during my daily The Husband Project video on Wednesday, I’ll announce the two winners LIVE!

20 Dates for $20 (or less)

20 Dates for $20 (or less)

20 date ideas

For those of you joining me and Proverbs 31 for The Husband Project online bible study, you’ll be coming up with a few ways to date your husband in the coming weeks. And even if you aren’t doing the Bible study, money is one of the most often stated reasons for not dating your husband on a regular basis. I put together 20 date ideas that cost you $20 or less. And in case those of you that live in a big city don’t think it’s possible, Roger and I live in San Jose, CA so we know a thing or two about inflated prices.

Download your copy of 20 Dates for $20>>>

Enjoy your weekend and go plan a date with your man!

5 Steps to Successfully Prep for The Husband Project

5 Steps to Successfully Prep for The Husband Project

Husband Project


Are you excited about starting the project portion of The Husband Project? I am excited for you to get underway, and I’m so thankful to be partnering with Proverbs 31 this summer. It is going to be a summer of fun and life-giving to your marriage. But, like anything in life, it requires you to put your whole self into it. To make the most out of The Husband Project, and for the best chance at success (you know, actually doing the projects) a little prep work is highly recommended.


In the spirit of successfully accomplishing what you have now signed up to do, I’ve compiled 5 Steps help you prep for The Husband Project:


1. Find at least one friend (two is better!) to help keep you accountable for the duration of the project.

2. Look at all the projects and come up with your own personalized schedule based on upcoming travel plans, visitors, holidays, etc. (Check out the the info below on how to get the official Husband Project calendars!)

3. Share your plan with your accountability partner(s). Ask them if they have any feedback.

4. Grab your supplies! After you fill out your calendar, create a list of supplies for the activities you want to do. To be budget-conscious, you can create weekly lists ahead of time to help you prep well but also stay in your budget.

5. Pray! For your heart, for your attitude, and for your husband to be blessed through it all.

We put together handy calendars to help you prep the projects you want to do, including a filled-in and blank version of the calendar. To get your calendar, sign up for the newsletter! (and if you are already signed up to get the newsletter, your calendars should already be in your inbox!)



Sign up for The Husband Project over at Proverbs 31. Even if you don’t have the book, you can follow along with us and bless your husband’s socks off for the next three weeks! Join us!

Husband Project

Fri Fav — 5 Blogs We are Loving in June

Fri Fav — 5 Blogs We are Loving in June

5 Blogs We Are Loving


Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study

5 Blogs We Are Loving


At Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies, each of the leaders provide their own insights to most recent bible study. Because they are all different each of the posts are from a completely different perspective and I love their honesty! Since I know many of you are going to be doing The Husband Project Online bible study with me, this is a blog you should definitely be following in the coming weeks! – Recommended by Kathi Lipp

Jennifer Dukes Lee

5 Blogs We Are Loving




Jennifer Dukes Lee’s blog offers a great place to watch for God at work in a messy life. She reminds me that I am already loved and pre-approved by God. – Recommended by Mary Lou Caskey 

Allison Vesterfelt

5 Blogs We Are Loving



Allison Vesterfelt’s blog walks me through how to de-clutter erroneous beliefs and unhealthy emotions. by Cheri Gregory 

Mary DeMuth
5 Blogs We Are Loving



There is a lot in the press right now about sexual assault, abuse, human trafficking. Lots of questions are stirring without a lot of answers. Mary has been dealing with this topic since she was a young girl as a victim of abuse herself. She is real, honest and has some very applicable how to’s surrounding this ever growing issue. She is also incredibly insightful on other topics such as joblessness, hurt at the hand’s of other Christians and raising a family in this crazy world we live in.

Shaunti Feldhahn

5 Blogs We Are Loving



From marriage, to raising teens, to being a woman in the workplace, Shaunti gives practical advice from a social science perspective. Shaunti is a researcher with the goal of helping both men and women alike understand their partners and people around them better in order to live in better relationships. – Recommended by Kathi Lipp

5 Blogs We Are Loving
The Husband Project- The Online Bible Study with Proverbs 31

Just a few more days to sign up for The Husband Project Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study! If you do not have your book yet, do not worry! Sign up with Proverbs 31 and they’ll send you the first three chapters to hold you over until you get your books.

Sign up>>>

Purchase a book>>>

Personalize The Husband Project With This Personality Quiz

Personalize The Husband Project With This Personality Quiz

Personalize Husband Project

Friends, we are only a few days away from launching The Husband Project with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies. Each relationship and individuals are unique creations, so the Husband Project will look a little bit different from relationship to relationship. We have a fun way for you to personalize the projects in The Husband Project! The projects within the book are flexible enough for you to personalize for your man! Learning more about your guy can knock this experience out of the park for you both.

Download this personality quiz (without telling him why you are doing it, of course!) to find out a little more about your guy so you can make each project a special, intimate experience for you both. You’ll probably learn something new about your man, and maybe even yourself, no matter how long you have been together!


Join us!

If you haven’t signed up yet, please join us for this Online Bible Study! Find out more @






Getting Hung Up on the How Robs of Us of Seeing Our Husband’s Heart

Getting Hung Up on the How Robs of Us of Seeing Our Husband’s Heart

disagreeable giver husband

guest post by Cheri Gregory

My husband is a disagreeable giver!

I know, I know.

Doesn’t sound like one of the most romantic thoughts crossing my mind after more than a quarter century of marriage.

But it’s certainly one of the most important.

This epiphany hit while I was listening to Adam Grant’s Global Leadership Summit* talk, “Give and Take: A New Perspective on Leadership,” in which he describes four types of people:

  • Agreeable givers
  • Agreeable takers
  • Disagreeable takers
  • Disagreeable givers

Agreeable givers are everyone’s favorites, to the point they often become doormats. Agreeable takers are “fakers” who can fool us into treating them as givers. Disagreeable takers are pretty quickly labeled as jerks.

But it’s the disagreeable givers who, according to Grant, are the most misunderstood and undervalued.

They invest endlessly in the people and causes they care deeply about.

They just don’t care about how they come across.

What Happens When I Get Hung Up on How

A few weeks ago, a scenario that’s played out thousands of times in our marriage started to run according to script.

Daniel and I were in the kitchen, and he said something that ticked me off. I started to react, but in the nick of time remembered I’m trying to ask myself what problem is he trying to solve?

Which forced me to recognize I was all set to react without knowing the facts. (And while I may be a Highly Sensitive Person, I’m an HSP who scores high in analytical reasoning. I expect my emotions to be grounded in data, thank you very much!)

As Proverbs 18:13 so bluntly puts it

To answer before listening—
that is folly and shame.

So I asked myself, If I’m not about to react to facts, what I am I about to react to?

The answer was simple:

I’m about to react not to what Daniel said.

Or even why he said it.

I’m about to react to how Daniel said what he said. 

I’m waaaaaaaay too hung up on how.

Focus on Why and What Before How

Now, I’m not suggesting that how other people speak to us isn’t important.

I am simply confessing I have been way too hung up on how, to the exclusion of why and what.

When I paused in the kitchen to ask myself why did he say that? I knew, without even asking Daniel, that the over-arching answer would be:

  • because he loves God, and/or
  • because he cares about what’s right, and/or
  • because he is committed to me and to our family

And when I asked myself, what did he actually say? the answer was something simple and reasonable.

Sure, it’s important in any relationship* that we discuss how we communicate with each other. But how doesn’t deserve top billing, at least not for me.

I’ve become convicted that my knee-jerk reaction to my husband’s how prevents me from hearing his why and what.

When I find myself getting all bent out of shape over how — and I start gearing up to turn lawyer, judge, and jury — I’m telling myself:

Don’t react without the facts.

Ask why.

Ask what.

Only then, ask how.

Cheri Photo CORRECTEDCheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is equipping women to relate and create with less drama, more delight. 

Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and the upcoming Overwhelmed.

Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.

Cheri is the host of “Grit ‘n’ Grace: Good Girls Breaking Bad Rules,” a podcast for women tired of trying so hard to measure up. She blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at



*Note: This blog post reflects one woman’s experiences, reflections, and insights in a marriage between two well-intentioned but flawed individuals. It does not attempt to speak to any relationship that includes abuse, addiction, adultery, abandonment, and/or apathy. Such relationships are beyond the scope of this post and may need the intervention of a trained counselor.


2016_OBS_HusbandProject_PreStudy_Square-01The Husband Project Online Bible Study starts in just one week!

Sign up now and get your book from Proverbs 31 and join the thousands of women all over the world ready to bless the socks off of our husbands!

Fri Fav — 5 Essentials for the Outdoors

Fri Fav — 5 Essentials for the Outdoors


Western Cedar Grilling Planks

Roger has been using cedar planks to BBQ our salmon for the past couple of years, and it makes the best salmon I’ve ever tasted. – Recommended by Kathi Lipp

Five Essentials for Outdoor Fun

Maranda Enterprises Double Ladderball Game

To make your backyard more enjoyable, get a Ladder Ball that people can enjoy! Multiple players throw attached rubber balls onto bars to rack up points. Fun for all ages and skill levels! – Recommended by Emily Nelson


Five Essentials for Outdoor Fun

Trademark Innovations Bean Bag Toss Corn Hole Game Set

Make teams and toss the bean bags into the hole to score big. A bit challenging but exciting to try to get your bag to stay on the board or get in the hole. Even those observing will enjoy the show this creates! – Recommended by Emily Nelson


Five Essentials for Outdoor Fun


KanJam Ultimate Disc Game

This is a fun outdoor game for all ages. Gets your family active with healthy fun. Rolls up for easy storage. – Recommended by Robin O’Neal Smith


Five Essentials for Outdoor Fun

Mosquito Bits

Tired of picnics being ruined by mosquitoes? Keep the mosquitoes and gnats away without sprays or harmful chemicals. – Recommended by Robin O’Neal Smith


Five Essentials for Outdoor Fun

“If you purchase the product or service I referenced next to the link you just clicked, I will receive an “affiliate commission.” I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Recipes to Crave: Slow cooker Smoked Pulled Pork BBQ (A Perfect Father’s Day recipe!)

Recipes to Crave: Slow cooker Smoked Pulled Pork BBQ (A Perfect Father’s Day recipe!)

Father's Day Recipe

If you’re looking for a way to spoil Dad this Father’s Day without spending your entire day in the kitchen, we’ve got you covered! BBQ for Dad, and the ease of the slow cooker for you, make for the perfect celebration. This delicious meal is so simple, you might even have time to make a special dessert or cocktail. Bonus points! (You can thank us later.)

This is a recipe I posted back in 2012 but it’s so good I had to share it with you again (or for all my new friends!).

When Freezers and Slow Cookers Collide

I love when I find other food nerds out there. It is a title I use – and embrace – lovingly. It’s very different than food snobs who want to tell you that you are using the wrong knife or look down their nose at you if your cheese isn’t aged properly. Food snobs can get away with cooking once a week and call themselves a gourmet, but a food nerd is always looking for new ways to make food better and easier – we are the ones who trade recipes at MOPS meetings and steal (with permission) each other’s freezer tips for getting dinner on the table.

Let me introduce you to fellow food nerd Kelly Rankin. Kelly and I met at an event I was speaking at, and we became friends through my blog. Kelly has taken the concept of freezer meals and slow cooking and done a mash up – freezer/slow cooking.

I am also a freezer/slow cooker, but Kelly’s ingenuity of stretching her meals and leaving no leftover left behind is admirable. I asked Kelley to share her plan for using her freezer and slow cooker for maximum savings of time, energy and stress: Some of her favorite slow cooker to freezer recipes are things like soups, stews, and chili. You can double or – in a 6-quart slow cooker – triple a soup-like recipe and, after it cools, bag it up into gallon bags to be re-heated another time.

Slow cooker Smoked Pulled Pork BBQ
By Kelly Rakin

Four Simple ingredients and a day of slow cooking lead to an amazingly simple, economical, and delicious pork BBQ. No smoker needed, and the leftovers freeze beautifully for a later meal. The liquid smoke and beef bouillon are the essential keys to this simple recipe, giving the pork a great flavor with minimal BBQ sauce. Perfect for a large gathering!

Father's Day Recipe

Prep Time: 10 minutes

Cook Time: 7-9 hours

Yields: 10 servings


5-lb. pork sirloin tip roast
2 T. liquid smoke (typically found with condiments)
2 T. beef bouillon (not Broth)
1/3 cup water
Serve with your favorite BBQ Sauce, to taste


Place pork roast in a large slow cooker. Pour water, liquid smoke, and bouillon on top of pork roast. Cook on high for 7-9 hours, flipping roasts once during cooking, if possible, to allow the juices to simmer all sides of the meat. Meat is finished cooking when it easily pulls apart with a fork. Remove roasts from slow cooker and pull pork apart. Return pork to slow cooker and add BBQ sauce to taste, or serve BBQ sauce on the side. Great on sandwiches or by itself.

To freeze: Place cooked BBQ in 1-quart freezer bags, removing air. Thaw, rewarm, and serve. Keeps in freezer up to 6 months.

Fri Fav — June Edition: 5 Books You Should Be Reading

Fri Fav — June Edition: 5 Books You Should Be Reading

5 Books You Should Be Reading

Flash: The Homeless Donkey Who Taught Me about Life, Faith, and Second Chances (Adventures of Flash the Donkey) by Rachel Anne Ridge

5 Books You Should Be Reading
Roger says my favorite genre of books is “Chicken Lit.” Put a barn animal in between two book covers and I’m a sucker for it. I loved this story of a woman’s life turned upside down by a stubborn donkey and all that she learned from Flash who just wanted to run with the stallions. Delightful and deep. – Recommended by Kathi Lipp

Amazon Link

The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: Follow Them and People Will Follow You by John C. Maxwell and Steven R. Covey

5 Books You Should Be Reading
Leadership guru, author, speaker, and former pastor, John C. Maxwell identifies that which make great leaders great. It is a practical guide for leaders and those who want to be effective ones. – Recommended by Amberly Neese

Amazon Link

Fight Back With Joy: Celebrate More. Regret Less. Stare Down Your Greatest Fears by Margaret Feinberg

5 Books You Should Be Reading
Margaret shows how to use joy as a weapon even in the midst of cancer! She demonstrates through personal story in a way that is so encouraging. – Recommended by Mary Lou Caskey

Amazon Link


Will It Fly? How to Test Your Next Business Idea so You Don’t Waste Your Time and Money by Pat Flynn

5 Books You Should Be Reading
This book is a series of tests on how to figure out if your idea is sound and will fly with your followers. It has tests that I never thought of and also lots of ideas for newbies. – Recommended by Robin O’Neal Smith

Amazon Link


Armor of God by Priscilla Shirer

5 Books You Should Be ReadingI enjoyed daily digging into the study. I was challenged, encouraged and changed. I am grateful. – Recommended by Mary Lou Caskey

Amazon Link


“If you purchase the product or service I referenced next to the link you just clicked, I will receive an “affiliate commission.” I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

The Husband Project

The Husband Project

What books are you loving right now? In honor of the upcoming Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study, I am giving away a signed copy of my book The Husband Project! Just leave a comment below about what you are loving to read right now and why, OR what you are most looking forward to about the online study. Either way, you’ll be entered to win!





The Day I Stopped Shoe Shopping at Safeway: A Marriage Metaphor

The Day I Stopped Shoe Shopping at Safeway: A Marriage Metaphor

marriage metaphor

The Day I Stopped Shoe Shopping at Safeway: A Marriage Metaphor

For many years, I did my shoe shopping at Safeway.

This was difficult, because the Safeway near my home doesn’t sell shoes, only groceries. But I’ve never been one to let a challenge stop me! I became all the more determined to do my shoe shopping at Safeway.

Every week, I scoured the aisles: no shoes.

Every week, when the cashier pleasantly asked me, “Did you find everything today?” I responded loudly, “No, I did not. I came here for shoes, like I do every week, and I still haven’t found any shoes.

Every week, I filled out a complaint form at the so-called “Customer Service” counter: Why are there no shoes in this store?

Eventually, I became so focused on shoe shopping at Safeway that I started going daily, just to see if they’d finally set up a shoe aisle.Day in and day out, I experienced nothing but disappointment after disappointment after disappointment.

I grumbled about Safeway to my friends. Soon, complaining about the lack of shoes at Safeway soon became my sole topic of conversation.

It all seemed so unfair.

The Day I Discovered Payless ShoeSource

Then, one day, I happened to drive by a Payless ShoeSource. As I walked in, I could not believe my eyes: shoes! Aisles and stacks and end caps of shoes! I bought two pair on a BOGO sale!

My next stop was Safeway. As I walked in, I could not believe my eyes: so many beautiful groceries! Fruits and vegetables … breads and cakes … cheeses and deli meats … I filled my cart and headed to check out.

The cashier nervously asked, “Did you find everything today?” and when I responded, “Why yes, I did, thank you!” She looked shocked. The manager seemed surprised when I walked by the customer service comment box with a friendly wave.

The day I stopped doing my shoe shopping at Safeway was the day I started enjoying grocery shopping at Safeway.

A Marriage Metaphor

Okay, so I made all of that up.

I would never be silly or downright foolish enough to go shoe shopping at Safeway, would I? Well, in the early years of my marriage, I stubbornly “did my shoe shopping at Safeway” by expecting Daniel to meet some of my needs he was entirely unequipped to meet.

The more I demanded he meet these specific needs, the more hyper-focused I became on his failures. The more I focused on his failures, the more I ignored his myriad strengths. Sadly, for many years I acted as if everything he did bring to our marriage and all the ways he did meet my needs were worthless because I was so fixated on a few failures.

After years of frustration (for both of us!), I was convicted that 1 Corinthians 12:4-6 applies to the gifts our husbands bring to marriage:

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”

When we continually downplay the gifts our husbands brings to our marriages, we discount the work of the Holy Spirit.

On the flip side, when we take responsibility for the needs we’ve been trying to pawn off on our men, we may be astonished to discover all the ways they truly bless us.

Perhaps it’s time for you to stop shoe shopping at Safeway, too?


Cheri Photo CORRECTEDCheri Gregory is a teacher, speaker, author, and Certified Personality Trainer. Her passion is helping women break free from destructive expectations. She writes and speaks from the conviction that “how to” works best in partnership with “heart, too.”

Cheri is the co-author, with Kathi Lipp, of The Cure for the “Perfect” Life and the upcoming Overwhelmed.

Cheri has been “wife of my youth” to Daniel, her opposite personality, for twenty-eight years and is “Mom” to Annemarie (25) and Jonathon (23), also opposite personalities.

Cheri blogs about perfectionism, people-pleasing, highly sensitive people, and hope at

More about being an HSP!